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My wife has been missing for a week now. The police told me to prepare for the worst. So, I immediately ran out to the thrift store to see if I could get all of her clothes back.
I was explaining to my wife that when you die you get reincarmnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she wanted to come back as a cow. I told her that she obviously wasn't listening.
My wife is always complaining. The other day she was bitching at me. She told me that I was always pushing her around and talking behind her back. I said "What do you want, you're in a wheelchair."
Never, ever criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes........for at that point they will be a mile away. And you'll have their shoes !