coverit Posts:996 Followers:3
On 11/03/2012 10:51 AM in General

Saturday humor

For you car buffs, and really, anyone that used to chuckle, or still chuckle, at the sight of these so called race cars! (I had an old mustang that used to blow the doors off just about anything)

Want to be the undisputed performance king of the road? These car enhancements will take that tired early 2000’s Dodge Neon or similar car and transform it into that unrelenting beast others will envy for all of eternity. It has been achieved by others (as a trip to the local strip mall proves), now you too can be the talk of the town.

Start with a base 2003 Dodge Neon with 132hp then add…

Raw Horse Power

Decals featuring random Japanese performance tuning company logos, use several (+5hp per sticker)
Muffler with sound cognizant of a reverberating fart and the appearance of an apple juice can (ultra +30hp gain)
Non-functional hood scoop (+40hp performance boost)
Adhesive stick-on side air intakes (+15hp per side from improved air flow)

Performance Handling

Assorted rear view mirror ornaments to improved driving precision
Painting non-Brembo brake calipers red to obtain Brembo equivalent breaking
Non-functional boost gauges take your vehicle to the max
Imitation carbon fiber hood for light weight agility
Retina incinerating ultra-intensity aftermarket blue headlights


After market racing spec gas cap door for improved fuel containment (+10mpg)
Side window wind deflectors (+5mpg improvement per window)


Knight Rider swooping lights on dash – Kitt is protecting your investment 24/7
Alarm system featuring circa 1980′s multi-pattern audible warning, ultra sensitivity proximity sensor and remote disarm keychain
Chain license plate surround with scrolling LED screen, let them know who’s the man

And there you have it… the blueprint for transforming a $1,980 car with 132hp into a 300+hp mechanical masterpiece, all without touching a single engine part! Truly a ballistic missile of power. Drive on young champion!

I must be gettin' old... I still think baseball is cool.