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A redneck gal walked into a bank to open an account with a large bag of cash. "Did you hoard all this money by yourself?" the bank manager asked. "No, of course not" the gal replied. "My sister whorred half of it."
They say that as you get older, you turn into one of your parents. So, that means I'm either going to turn into an alcoholic, bleached blonde who chases after 20-year-old boys...............or I'm going to turn out like my mom.
To my dismay, my wife has become bisexual. I have to buy her something before she becomes sexual.
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She's gonna be sooo pissed off when she finds out.
Never, ever criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes........for at that point they will be a mile away. And you'll have their shoes !