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SPOOKY'S NFL THE CHEESE FALLS CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK EXPRESS
Monday's List of 13: Nobody asked me, but.........
13) Network TV announcers should know better, but they don't; the team that gives up the most yards doesn't necessarily have the worst defense. Teams that are behind try harder to score; NFL teams that are ahead get so conservative that their offensive numbers suffer, so it figures that when a team is ahead all the time , their defense will give up more yardage.
Put it this way, if the Packers/Patriots had the two worst defenses in the league, they wouldn't have been the #1 seeds in their conference.
12) Its the same reason its hard to play totals in the NFL, because teams that are winning, except for Sean Payton/Norv Turner's teams and couple other clubs, pull in the reins on offense when they're winning. So teams they're beating don't give up as many yards as they should.
11) NFL referee Gene Steratore worked the Denver-New England game Saturday night in Foxboro, then did the Indiana-Ohio State hoop game in Columbus at 4:30 Sunday. Man raked in lot of cash this weekend.
10) If St John's basketball coach Steve Lavin was healthy enough to be in Springfield recruiting Sunday, shouldn't he have been coaching his team in its game with Georgetown? I'm just asking.....
9) There is a golfer on the European tour named Andrew Parr. Cool.
8) A regulation NFL football helmet costs between $200-250.
7) USC's basketball team is incredibly unwatchable; hard to imagine that Kevin O'Neill won't get fired this spring. Bad and boring doesn't work. In a year when the Pac-12 has slipped to 9th in conference power ratings, Trojans are still winless, and usually don't even score 50 points. Yikes. Wonder if Lane Kiffen is interested in another job.
6) The words "silent" and "listen" contain the same letters.
5) Joe Flacco earned a $200,000 bonus when the Ravens won Sunday.
4) Defending Super Bowl champs have now lost their last five playoff games; last defending champ to win a playoff game? '05 Patriots. Last time the two conference championship games were both #1 seed against the #2 seed? Way back in 2004.
3) If you like tennis and you have DirecTV, channels 702-706 are all set on different courts in Melbourne, so you can watch many of the matches going on at the same time at the Australian Open.
2) Good season for the Houston Texans; in retrospect, best thing for the Texans was Matt Leinart getting hurt, since TJ Yates is better. Now they know they have a quality backup for Matt Schaub next season.
1) Now Chris Paul and Dwyane Wade are hurt; at this rate, rosters for the NBA All-Star Game next month are going to have some unfamiliar faces.
This weekend, Oregon Jr. QB Darron Thomas announced that he was leaving Eugene early for the NFL. When I first heard of this, I scratched my head a lot. Why? He is a stick figure and has no chance in Hell of ever being a starter in the league? Remember Dennis Dixon? He was way better in college than Thomas and he barely dresses for games now. Then Joe Schad reported that Thomas is leaving because he doesn't want to have to compete for the starting QB job next year with some other guy. The fuck? First of all, why would there be an open competition at all considering what Darron has done the last two years? Second, he's basically leaving school because he doesn't want to try and demands that everything be handed to him. OK, so he is walking away from a place that is perfect for him to be a 6th round draft pick with no shot of ever playing? Does he think that the NFL is less competitive than the Pac-12? Darron Thomas is a fucking idiot and I GUARANSHEED that this is a horrible decision that backfires bigger than shit. A career backup quarterback is throwing away his last chance at ever starting. Dumbass. Tenor-mania is officially over but the Spooky Express has just begun a new year. Let's get it on:
Drew Brees - His two interceptions were brutal decisions but things are going to happen when you "fire that fucking pigskin" 63 times. It's sort of amazing that the Saints were still in it while being -4 on turnovers. This game was goddamn incredible though in spite of the turnovers. Actually, let's talk about each of the final four touchdowns in that amazing 4th quarter:
TD pass to Sproles - If there was a separate MVP award that went to non-QBs, it would have to go to Sproles (or Akers), right? Tiny Darren seemingly runs a 2.5 40. By the way, AJ Smith and Norval Turner let him walk from the Chargers this past Summer. They remain employed. Make sense?
TD run By Alex Smiff - What a great play-call. That was such a beautiful play. Who runs a goddamn QB sweep on third and long! I'm kind of happy that Ol' Small Hands is coming into his own this season. Good for him.
TD Pass to Graham - It wasn't a very good decision by the Breesus but the awesomeness of JIMMAY bailed him out. I hope you all saw the slo-mo replay of Graham scoring and slam-dunking the ball over the crossbar because, in the background, Tony Siragusa has the dumbest look ever on his face. Totes LOL. His mouth is wide open and I'm pretty sure that he's drooling.
TD Pass To Vernon Davis - Amazing. Vernon flat out abused Malcolm Jenkins on the final two drives. I give so much credit that San Fran played for the win and not overtime. Smiff's two passes to Davis on this drive where ELITE. GREAT GAME.
Vernon Haters - I loved that he was so happy that he was crying while coming off the field after the touchdown. Repeat: I LOVED THAT. It hasn't been the easiest run in SF for the stud TE and I thought that it was really cool for him to be so emotional. Suck on that, Mike Singletary's chili-ring!
Jim Cornball - "Who got it better than we do" and giving the team personally monogrammed gas station attendant shirts? What a dork, that Jim Harbaugh.
Tony Siragusa - He carries a Sharpie around with him but nothing to write on. Somehow, that makes sense considering how much Goose sucks.
The notion that not every game matters - Those who argue with me that college football is better than the pros tend to use the argument that "not every game matters". The Saints proved that theory incorrect. Think about it: had they not lost at either the Bucs or the Rams, I am 100% confident that they are still playing. The Saints are out because of games that they lost in September and October and thus had to play out of the Dome. Fact!
The Denver Tenors - If you believe that the Denver season was made to be turned into a movie, then you should have noticed (like I did) that the ending of that movie was last week. The win over the Steelers was the climax. It wasn't going to happen again. Tim Tebow is a great story and all (and an even better person) but he wasn't about to walk into New England and beat Bill Belichick's game plan. They were sent to NE to get slaughtered because they already won their Super Bowl. Period. 14 negative yardage plays though? Terrible. At least they kicked a field goal while down 35 points in the third quarter!
John Elway - I do not envy his job this offseason. Look, Tenor is their QB which means that the organization has to build and draft accordingly. That means taking a ton of strange hybrid players like Percy Harvin-types and athletic tight ends that they don't have. Also, the aforementioned Darron Thomas would be a nice risk for them since he can only run the read-option offense, too. It's a weird situation to be in that the Tenors are going to be building their team in a completely different manner than the rest of the league. And they have to because if they bail on TEAM TENOR, their fans will revolt.
Aaron Hernandez - Running back? What sort of drugs do you have to be on to say, "let's give our tight end 5 carries this week"?
Tom Brady being a troll - Come on, dude, you don't punt on 3rd down. That's just embarrassing an opponent that you've already embarrassed. Why not just run it up the middle one more time and then punt? By the way, I barely watched any of the second half of this game in lieu of Off Limits and Mysteries at the Museum on Travel Channel. Quality programming!
Phil Simms - The absolute worst announcer on the planet. Whether it be him not knowing what constitutes a catch or that even though Deion Branch pushed off on his touchdown catch that that was not PI, Simms is a hillbilly fucktard. If I ever decide to kill myself (cross your fingers), I would leave a tape of Simms' game on Saturday night as my suicide note.
Jacoby Jones - Anyone else believe that if this dumbass doesn't muff the punt in the first quarter that the Texans win? Also, it's hard to point fingers at TJ Yates since he shouldn't be in that position anyway, but Houston wins if Schaub is playing.
Joe Flacco - You're right, Joe, you won't get any credit for that win. Complete 55% of your passes first, douche. And for God's sake, get rid of that fu manchu.
Bill Leavy - Uh, ok, I'd love to hear the rationale behind Greg Jennings CLEAR fumble in the first half and how that ended up not being one. Then GB scores on the drive. The Giants absolutely murder the Pack without that terrible officiating/Tim Donaghy call.
ELITE Manning - Yet another 15 yard pass that Nicks turns into a 60 yard touchdown AND a hail mary! Eli is the luckiest quarterback of all time. OF ALL TIME. I hate that tard. STOP WINNING PLAYOFF GAMES SO WE CAN LAUGH AT YOU! I still can't believe how much they crushed Green Bay by. Tom Coughlin is such a great coach.
Everyone on the Packers offense but Rodgers and Don Driver - Jesus Christ, can any of these losers catch the ball? EIGHT drops?
Jermichael Finley - Completely worthless. He should be one of the best tight ends in the league and he continues to blow.
The Green Bay secondary - How many 3rd and longs can a team give up? For as bad as the receivers for the Packers were, not being able to get off the field killed Green Bay's hopes and dreams. It's about time that Charles Woodson took a permanent trip to the glue factory.
God dammit, we lost Brees AND Rodgers AND Tenor this weekend! TERRIBLE WEEKEND! Alex Smith vs. Elite? Brady vs. Penisface Flacco? Oh God, this is not good. This is not good at all. It is highly probable that we have three turd games left. Shit.
Tuesday's Dirty Dozen: Random thoughts on a winter day here in Florida.....
12) They had a big weekend of high school basketball games this weekend at the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield; the four winners Monday were from Jersey City, Los Angeles, and two teams from Las Vegas. Got to know-- who's footing the bill to fly teams east from Vegas/LA all the way to Springfield?
11) Kid named Reinhardt from Mater Dei in LA is going to UNLV; he hit 9-14 from behind the arc Monday, scored 35 points. Superior shooter.
10) Mike Martz announced his retirement from coaching, which probably means that no one would give him a job he wanted, but anyway, I think he'd be fascinating on network TV. We need more ex-coaches on TV.
9) Cowboy fans will be thrilled to know that Tony Romo is playing in a pro-am golf tournament with Eldrick Woods at Pebble Beach Feb 9-12. I don't think Eli Manning or Michael Vick or Tom Brady will be doing lot of golfing this winter.
8) I've absolutely killed the A's this offseason, but they made a smart move Monday, trading Moscoso/Outman, two marginal pitchers, for the outfielder Seth Smith, who is a decent hitter, certainly better than most of the suspects currently on their depleted big league roster.
7) Louisville jumped out to an 18-2 lead at Marquette Monday afternoon, but still lost 74-63. Cardinals need to get healthier, or else.......
6) Every time they call an illegal defense in the NBA, my blood boils a little bit; Just play ball, let teams play any defense they want. Give teams with inferior talent a chance. Is that too much to ask? Its bad enough all the best players want to play in the glamorous cities, then the rules don't allow the lesser teams to compete. Its bad for the league.
5) College football coaches are nomads, man; Doug Nussmeier got hired by Alabama as its new offensive coordinator; he spent last three years up at Washington. He played five years as a backup QB in the NFL and is considered a surprisingly good recruiter.
Along those same lines, the rumor mill has former Miami coach Randy Shannon heading to West Virginia as their new defensive coordinator.
4) Early stats for the conference championship games this weekend; Pats are 4-1 in conference title games under Belichick; over last nine years, the favorite is 11-7 against the spread in this round.
3) This is the fourth time in five years the NFC's #1 seed lost its opening playoff game; before that, they'd won that first game 17 years in a row.
2) Fascinating/creepy article in the Kansas City paper about the strange goings on around the Chiefs' franchise; if you root for the Chiefs, you're not going to like it. Makes you appreciate the job you have, or at least the good bosses you've had.
1) Quick way to feel fairly old/stupid is to spend time in the Verizon store, getting your new phone set up by someone less than half your age, and a lot smarter. Bought a Droid Bionic recently, so if any of you have any tips or apps I might like, feel free to pass them along.
Wednesday's Lucky Eleven: Doing some thinking out loud........
11) OK, so I almost fell out of my chair Monday when Kobe Bryant had the ball in a tie game with 0:07 left and he actually passed the ball to an open teammate!!!! And the teammate (Derek Fisher) made the shot; it was almost like real basketball!!! Excellent.
10) Laker coach Mike Brown’s son plays for that Mater Dei team that was playing ball in Springfield, MA over the weekend. I’m guessing they have a pretty healthy booster club.
9) An authentic pair of NBA game shorts costs $150 on NBA.com.
8) Detroit Pistons’ charter flight made an emergency landing at Houston’s Hobby Airport Monday night; something about trouble with the plane’s landing gear. Thankfully, the pilot landed the plane safely.
7) I’m a big fan of the replay system in tennis; find myself rooting for close calls, so we can see more challenges.
6) NBA referee Joey Crawford might be the nicest guy on earth, I have no idea, but he sure looks like a mean dude.
5) Happier thought: New Rams’ coach Jeff Fisher was a good Samaritan Sunday night, stopping to help a couple of teenagers who were in a rolled over car on a Tennessee highway. Both youngsters survived, and Fisher signed a five-year, $35M contract to coach the Rams Tuesday.
4) So its January 18 and there are two unbeaten teams left in college hoop; anyone out there have Murray State as one of the two teams?
Didn’t think so.
3) Andre Ethier signed a 1-year, $10.95M contract with the Dodgers, meaning he needs a big 2012 to strike it rich on the free agent market next winter. My hands are shaking as I think the A’s once traded Ethier to acquire Milton effin’ Bradley. Somehow, that got left out of Moneyball script. Why did we ever trade for Milton freakin' Bradley?
2) NFL is king of television: Giant-Packer game had an average audience over 45M+, very big. Whoever decided to put playoff games on in primetime deserves a raise.
1) 61 underclassmen declared for this year’s NFL Draft, which starts April 26- thats the most ever. Biggest x-factor in the draft right now will be Robert Griffin's performance at the Combine, and if a team wants him enough to give the Rams multiple picks to trade up to get him?