Under 17 requires an accompanying parent or adult guardian to read this post
The regular officials - Holy buttholes!! Do these guys think they're fucking rock stars or something? Yes...the scab refs were worse than finding a pube rug at the bottom of your soup bowl. But that doesn't mean that your triumphant return needs to be as heralded as you dickwads are making it. Hat tipping? Standing ovations? Get fucked, shit plugs. You're still just glorified part time employees that everyone will hate in 2 weeks anyway...or this week if you're a Green Bay fan. Jesus! Can we have a week where the Packers don't get strapped to rape stand for the officiating crew to violently penetrate?
Greg Little - Remember in The Goonies when everyone kept throwing stuff at Chunk when they wanted something broken inconspicuously because they knew his chubby sausage fingers lacked the capability of catching anything? Well, Greg Little is Chunk. Except not fat. Just black and retarded with warm, soft turds sewn to the spot on his wrists where his hands used to be. Nice fucking career, shit lips. Get AIDS assuming you haven't contracted it already.
Brandon Meriweather and Aldrick Robinson - Wikipedia tells me that Meriweather's mother was 13 when she crapped that walking felony out. Ha! You couldn't make this shit up! Nothing quite like a pregame blind collision to kick things off the right way. It's good that both of those guys suck shit because that collision kept both of them out of the game. The most shocking part of that situation was Meriweather didn't immediately grab his helmet to finish off Robinson the Miami Hurricane way.
Darren McFadden - I like to call him the new Chris Johnson. Apparently either McFadden blows or gets hurt for 6 games out of the year, every year. So just know in the future when you draft him he only does real, actual work for 60% of the season...like a true black person.
Arizona's Defense - First, you almost lost to the Miami RyanTannehills. Second you let Brian Hartline put up a God damn monster on you. I had no idea white receivers were capable of that let alone even allowed to do that. I hope all you Hartline owners started him this week because that shit's not happening again. Fucking ever.
Santonio Holmes - Or San Antonio Holmes as Terry Bradshaw now calls him. He's good at three things. Smoking weed, running his jibs and getting hurt. My only question is how do you find pants big enough to fit that enormous pussy?
Lions - This hurts me to say it. But its deserved. Way to not capitalize on the public raping of Green Bay last week and really put a stranglehold on that last place spot in the division. I guess Fat Stafford was too enamored with the voluptuous nature of his own man beefers to be bothered into playing a football game. What week will it finally be before we can get myself to admit that this isn't a good team? I say week 13 when the Lions are 3-9.
Cam Newton/Carolina Secondary -
"Hold on, hold on, hold on. Lemme do my Superman thingy before anyone touches me."
"But we're losing."
"I don't care. It's SOOOOOOOO COOL! I'm so God Damn awesome."
Nice fumble, dildo. Maybe try being an actual quarterback instead of a glorified running back next time. So remind me again why you have 3 running backs on your active roster? Oh. Right. To recover Cam Newton fumbles that result in Matt Ryan bombs on the way to a complete secondary break down. Nice game, faggots.
Matt Hasselbeck - Is Hasselbeck still terrible? Lemme check...yep still terrible. That took only about 2 seconds to confirm. Retire already.
Graham Harrell - LOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!! One play, one lost fumble. Because he tripped over his own God damn foot. And it lead to an 80 yard TD bomb. Wonderful! I need more Graham Harrell follies!! Get your ass back to the back of the unemployment line, you fuckin scab.
Garrett Hartley - How many games have the Saints lost because Hartley morphs into Ray Finkle when the game is on the line? Better question...why do the Saints continue to employ a terrible kicker who roids it for shits and grins?
The TenorCat - How long before the Jets cut their losses with Pipes McJesus? How long before they realize the TenorCat offense is stupid as fuck? Does Rex Ryan beat off to foot models like JB here at the forum beats of to plus sized model magazines? Is this the most anyone has talked/cared about the Jets this year? Did Antonio Cromartie just father another bastard child? These are questions I think of while skimming the Jets box score.
Chris Wells - I refuse to call him by his retarded ass nickname. What we should do is change his actual name to Puss Wells. Just another example of Fuckeye fans spewing sewage about any player ever associated with the program. At this point I just hear fart noises when they talk. Remember Wells rookie year how SWEET he was gonna be in the NFL? Remember how it was a STEAL where the Cardinals drafted him? What a waste of a person. That guy can't get his fragile, black ass off the shitter without tearing or bruising something.
That's about all I've got. Get your rectums ready tomorrow for another College Football special. Like a JimmytheGreek penetration for all of you lucky bastards this week. Now if you'll excuse me I have to start packing for Punta Cana. As Bart Scott would say, "CAN'T WAIT!"
Stop by to sign up for BetDSI and Bookmaker
Click here to sign up for WAGERWEB
Click here for all your Amazon products:
Click here for all your fantasy sport needs: