09/29/2012 11:20 AM
I thought this was pretty funny:
4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat?
5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to the theater and stare at the ceiling up there.
7. The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake!
8. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
9. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you now how fast you were going? You should know asshole you pulled me over!