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SPOOKY'S BACK EVEN IF PEYTON IS NOT, WEEKLY NFL EXPRESS
The Worst of Week Two Spooky style
So my million dollar challenge paid off. Had a winning week in both college and NFL this week to bounce back from an abysmal NFL Week 1.
Did anyone see that weird segment on the NFL Network's pregame show right before Thursday's game? The "HE'S A BEAST" thing? That was really bizarre. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, each panelist talks about some guy for a few seconds and then screams "HE'S A BEEEEEEAST" into the camera. It is truly awful yet I hope that they keep doing it because I LOL'd hard when the white guys on set tried it.
It reminds me of the extremely played out "Come On, Man" segment that ESPN still does and the dumbest of the dumb still love. Let's be honest: the only point of these pieces are for black people to sound cool and whiteys to look ridiculous. I mean, COME ON MAN, Mike Ditka and Berman come off as complete fucktards when they try to keep up with the Keyshawns and TJ's of the world. And last Monday, when the always adorable Suzy was filling in for "the guy that should have switched places with Tom Mees", she was just embarrassing. In conclusion, I'm cautiously optimistic to see Rich Eisen make the above face at me every Thursday for the rest of the season. Onto the rest of week 2 or as millions of people around the country call it, "The Patriots just eliminated me from my survivor pool".
The Chiefs - Jesus Christ, Matt Cassel is the worst. CJ Spiller is the best. Clearly, Fred Jackson was holding the Bills back.
Tom Coughlin - What the fuck is he so pissed off about? God forbid Tampa Bay lay down and die! Asshole. Tom Coughlin is an asshole.
Defenses in that game - The Giants D still looks shit-tastic. Tampa Bay's secondary has an ample amount of old Browns. It should come as no surprise that there were ten million passing yards in this game.
Drew Brees - I'm willing to call it after two games: the Saints are terrible. They can't stop anyone and Brees appears to be mortal after all. Starting out 0-2 against the Skins and Panthers tells me that the Saints won't finish .500. D. Sproles: still sick!
Weeden Haters - So maybe you shouldn't have overreacted to the rookie's debut last week after all, right? He looked fairly competent yesterday! T-Rich looked good, too. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the Browns might have won yesterday if Joe Haden was a fucking moron. Or, you know...
IND/MIN and JAX/HOU - I give no fucks about these teams and games.
The Raiders - This is what happens when you deactivate MY BOY, Terrelle Pryor! You get stomped by the worst offense in league history. The Raiders truly are terrible. They and Romeo Crennel's team are the two worst teams in the league through 2 weeks.
Tom Brady - If something is not right with Brees, then something REALLY isn't right with The Dreamboat. Who gets outplayed by Kevin Kolb at home? KEVIN KOLB! They didn't deserve to win that game anyway because...
Ryan Williams - Yeah, your days of getting carries are over. You thought that you were all cute when Beanie Wells got hurt (AGAIN) and you would be getting the load. Not anymore...now get a haircut.
Steven Gostkowski - LOL! Do you kick for Cal in your spare time? As always, FUCK NEW ENGLAND!
LeSean McCoy - Nice fumbles, jerk. Are the Eagles the worst 2-0 team of all time? It's amazing how lucky Mike Vick is considering that he doesn't deserve to have any luck go his way.
Jake Locker - Jake Locker is a really bad QB.
Jason Witten and Tony Romo - Witten dropped everything thrown his way and Romo was his typical unELITE self. If you didn't see this coming from Dallas then you don't know anything. This is typical of them. Look like a Super Bowl team one week and then complete baby shit the next. They do this ALL THE TIME.
The Jets - Yeah, we knew that they weren't as good as they looked last week. This game was really dull and pointless outside of that Tenor run.
JOSH FUCKING MORGAN - YOU DUMB FUCK! WHY ARE YOU THROWING THE BALL AT FINNEGAN WHEN YOU ARE IN FIELD GOAL RANGE! YOU FUCKING COST THEM THE GODDAMN GAME WITH YOUR FUCKTARDERY. I knew that last week was fool's gold. I just knew it. I had a hard time putting Morgan on this list since I had the Rams yesterday and I was laughing all the way to my Bookmaker account. But he deserves it.
So coming off a 6-1-1 NFL weekend makes me feel that I didnt lose all my Spooky magic with my horrendous slump the past couple of months.
Tuesday's List of 13: Doing an early season ranking of NFL teams
32) Chiefs—0-2 for sixth time in last seven years, losing by 16-18 points. Can’t blame Todd Haley this year.
31) Jaguars—Have run 113 plays, only four of which went for 20+ yards, tying them with Arizona for least explosive plays in NFL. Big difference is that Cardinals have two wins, Jags have none.
30) Titans—Replacement refs seem to prefer calling defensive holding over pass interference, even though most of the holds are occurring while the ball is in the air. Makes markoff more like the college PI rule (15 yards).
??) Vikings—They’ve trailed Jags/Colts late, a bad sign, but they’ve rallied late to tie both games, a good sign. Is it me, or is there an influx or really good rookie kickers this year?
??) Saints— At each of his coaching stops, its taken Coach Spagnuolo a few games to get his defense to work properly. He needs a strong game against the 0-2 Chiefs this week.
Let me say that its stupid to rank teams after two games, but I’ve rarely been accused of being smart. This is one man’s opinion, for better or worse.
8) Broncos—Five of first seven Denver games are in primetime, as if we don’t see enough of #18 during the commercials.
7) Cardinals—There is a knockout pool in Las Vegas, $300 a pop, with over 200 people in it. First prize is around $63,000. Almost half the entrants had New England Sunday.
6) Chargers—In 15 years as a head coach, Norv Turner is 2-0 for the first time. Seems like a good guy, so good for him. Love the white jersey/white pant combo, by the way.
5) Eagles—Are 2-0 for first time since ’04; have gained 942 yards, turned ball over nine teams, won both games in last 2:00. Michael Vick is fun to watch, unless you lay the points with Philly.
4) Ravens—Have them ranked ahead of Philly because Eagles struggled to beat an awful Browns team.
3) Falcons—Some knowledge to sock away for later this season: Falcons' coach Mike Smith is 17-3-1 vs spread in game following a loss.
T1) 49ers—NFC won six of its first seven games against AFC this year.
T1) Texans—They’ve played Dolphins/Jaguars, so hard to gauge. Play Broncos in Denver Sunday with Broncos on short week in Kubiak’s homecoming, we’ll know more then.
Because any primetime game officiated by scab refs is gonna run well past midnight, it was awfully considerate that Peyton Manning served up his best schadenfreude of the night nice and early for the folks on the East Coast who had to be in bed at a reasonable hour. Oh, and doubly thanks that Peyton, by which I mean Willis McGahee, didn’t complete the comeback. An apocalyptic amount of Manning slurping would have ensued. Peyton Manning would be said to be leading the universe in amnesia. Steps would have taken to ensure that life could no longer exist on the planet since it enables said slurping.
But the Falcons finally closed it out after dicking around with the lead for far too long. Mike Nolan was a dapper if overmatched head coach, though his role as mercenary defensive coordinator for hire suits him much better. Atlanta got another scare when Asante Samuel left the game with a neck injury, but if Peyton could be out there with his bionic neck, then there was no way anyone else could let an injury fell them.
Wednesday's List of 13: Ranking major league ballclubs.....
30) Astros—Coming fairly close to being an expansion franchise, totally starting over, from ground up. That’s not all bad, just requires patience.
29) Twins-- UConn’s new hoop coach is Kevin Ollie; he has a clause in his one-year contract that rewards him if Huskies win Big East tournament. One small problem; UConn can’t play in this year’s tournament.
28) Indians—Speaking of UConn, they’re starting the season playing Michigan State on a military base in Germany. Why?
27) Cubs—Its worth the price of the Extra Innings package just to watch games from Wrigley Field. Seriously.
26) Rockies—If de la Rosa comes back healthy next year, their pitching rotation won’t be that bad, but organizational depth is incredibly thin.
8) Giants—Will win division because they still have outstanding starting pitching and because Dodgers have had an incredible string of injuries the last few weeks.
7) Orioles—27-7 in one-run games; will be curious next spring to see where pundits predict them to finish.
6) A’s—10-game gauntlet thru Detroit-Bronx-Arlington could define their season. Seems like long time ago that they brought Manny Ramirez in to be their DH this year. Luckily, he never made it to Oakland.
5) Bronx—Pitching remains suspect, especially if Sabathia’s elbow remains balky.
4) Braves—Quietly bounced back from last September’s debacle to make the playoffs with a veteran crew.
3) Reds—Who drew the short straw and has to tell the honchos at FOX that the Red Sox didn’t make the playoffs this year? "No sir, thats the Reds, from Cincinnati, not the Red Sox."
2) Nationals—Davey Johnson has a date in Cooperstown ahead of him. I recommend Sal’s Pizza. Very good.
1) Rangers—Josh Hamilton was very likeable on Jimmy Kimmel’s show Monday. He’ll stay likeable as long as he doesn’t go to the Bronx as a free agent. With his history, he has to be careful where he signs-- staying with the Rangers wouldn't be a bad option for him.
Thursday's List of 13: Nobody asked me, but..........
13) Jerry Jones used to own an Arena Football League team; AFL has a rule where if you’re winning in last minute and you lose yardage on the play, the clock automatically stops, like it was a timeout.
Wouldn’t be stunned if the NFL adopted that rule someday, ending the “victory formation” plays at the end of games now.
12) Richest guy in LA is a Dr Patrick Soon-Shiang, who is worth an estimated $7B. Dr Shiang bought Magic Johnson’s 4.5% of the Lakers; supposedly, he is interested in buying AEG, which owns the LA Kings, 33% of the Lakers and the Staples Center, amongst other things, and was involved in trying to bring an NFL team to LA. If Dr Shiang buys AEG, chances are the NFL will be back in LA soon.
11) A pro golfer in California shot 25 for nine holes at a course in Chula Vista, but shot 35 on back nine, three-putting 18th hole in what was a a non-competitive round. Still, shooting a 60 is pretty freakin’ good.
10) Jordan Baker is a rookie umpire who has worked 16 big league games this season. If you care about such things, 15 of 16 games stayed under the total.
9) Under Mike Smith, Falcons are 17-8-1 vs spread in games where the spread was 3 or less points, in other words, highly competitive games.
8) Baltimore Orioles are 28-7 in one-run games this year, and have won an amazing 14 extra-inning games in a row.
7) If you see the term WAR used as a baseball stat, this is what it refers to:
Wins Above Replacement (WAR) is an attempt by the sabermetric baseball community to summarize a player’s total contributions to their team in one statistic.
WAR basically looks at a player and asks the question, “If this player got injured and their team had to replace them with a minor leaguer or someone from their bench, how much value would the team be losing?”
This value is expressed in a wins format, so we could say that Player X is worth +6.3 wins to their team while Player Y is only worth +3.5 wins.
6) Arizona Cardinals have won last nine games that were decided by less than 7 points; they lost six of last seven that were decided by 7+ points.
5) Tuesday’s Baltimore-Seattle game was odd in several ways; according to Elias Sports Bureau, it was the longest game without an error by either side since a Cub-Astro game in August, 2006. Seattle pitching coach Carl Willis never visited mound until 16th inning. When do you ever see that?
4) Also, Miguel Olivo walked three times in eight plate appearances Tuesday; coming into the game, he had walked four times in 295 PA’s.
3) Pittsburgh Steelers are 10-16-1 vs spread as a road favorite under Mike Tomlin.
2) I want to puke when I hear TV guys having serious discussions about who will win Heisman Trophy, in September. Its like turning a baseball game on April 20 and hearing guys debate who should win the MVP that year. Let the games play themselves out fellas, then start talking about it around Halloween.
1) Our best wishes/prayers go out to North Carolina basketball coach Roy Williams, who underwent surgery Wednesday to have a tumor removed from his kidney. His prognosis for a full recovery is good.
Giants (1-1) @ Panthers (1-1)— G-men lost opener to Dallas, then were down 24-13 at half to Bucs, before they scored 25 points in 4th quarter to even their record with wild 41-34 win, with Manning throwing for 510 yards. Giants allowed 9.4/7.6 yards/pass attempt in first two games, so chance for Newton to make big plays—11 of their 15 explosive plays have come on first down. Big Blue playing first ’12 road game, making first trip to Charlotte in six years; they split previous two visits, in series where six of seven games were decided by 10+ points. Since ’06, Carolina is 8-10 vs spread as home underdog; since ’05, Giants are 17-8 as road favorites. NFC East teams non-divisional favorites are 0-5 vs spread so far this season; NFC South teams covered three of four non-divisional tilts.
Rams (1-1) @ Bears (1-1)— Once upon a time, Jeff Fisher wore #48 as a DB for Chicago, playing under DC Buddy Ryan; now his Rams come to Chicago after splitting pair of nail-biters. NFC West teams are 6-0 vs spread in non-divisional games, 5-0 as underdogs; two St Louis games this year were decided by total of 7 points. Bears had three extra days to prepare since losing 23-13 at Lambeau, when Cutler was sacked seven times. Chicago is 10-15-1 vs spread in last 26 games as a home favorite. Since ’06, formerly downtrodden Rams are actually 13-8-1 vs spread in game following a win. Chicago won last three series games by average score of 29-13, but last meeting was in ’09. NFC North teams are 1-5 vs spread in non-divisional games.
Buccaneers (1-1) @ Cowboys (1-1)— Dallas won 12 of 15 series games, taking last four by average score of 29-14; Bucs lost nine of ten visits here, with only win in ’01. Cowboys are 2-5 vs spread last seven home openers, with four of last five going over. Dallas is 1-3 vs spread when home opener is after Week 2, with three of those four games decided by 1 or 2 points- they're 3-11 vs spread as home favorite last two years. Tampa Bay outscored first two foes 37-13 in first half, were outscored 41-13 in second; they gave up 604 total yards in Swamp last week, including 234 passing yards in 4th quarter alone. Bucs have picked off five passes already (+3 turnover margin), but they're just 7-24 on third down converions. Since ’09, Tampa Bay is 14-9-1 as road underdogs, but they’re also 12-21-2 vs spread in game following their last 35 losses. NFC East non-divisional favorites are 0-5 vs spread this season.
49ers (2-0) @ Vikings (1-1)—League-wide, non-divisional home underdogs are 5-2 vs spread to start this season. 49ers have been impressive early on, spanking Pack in Lambeau, beating Lions 27-19; now they go for third straight NFC North scalp, but they’ve lost last four visits to Twin Cities, in series where home side won eight of last nine games. Niners are 10-2 vs spread as favorites under Harbaugh; they’ve had a TD drive of less than 30 yards in both games this season. Since ’06, Minnesota is 3-10-1 vs spread as home underdogs. Hard to tell about Vikings, who rallied from behind in last 2:00 to tie first two games, but trailing Jags/Colts in last 2:00 is also red flag, especially considering 49ers are now among NFL’s elite, having won 15 of 18 in regular season under Harbaugh.
Lions (1-1) @ Titans (0-2)—Tennessee coach Munchak was HOF offensive lineman, but his Titans have run ball 26 times for only 58 yards in first two games, as defenses aren‘t respecting young QB Locker. Detroit coach Schwartz was Titan assistant under Jeff Fisher for xx years; he returns here with Lion squad that over last decade is 1-4-2 vs spread as road favorite (only cover at Denver LY); they’re 12-14-2 vs spread under Schwartz, in game following a loss. Tennessee lost first two games 34-13/38-10, getting outgained by 150+ yards/game. Since ’06, Titans are 22-17 vs spread in game following a loss, 9-5 as home underdogs- they’re 1-2 as home dogs under Munchak. Tennessee won last three series games by average score of 33-18, winning 24-19 in Lions’ only visit here (’04).
Bengals (1-1) @ Redskins (1-1)—Home debut for young QB Griffin after pair of impressive displays on road; Washington has run ball for 153-176 yards, created six turnovers (+5 TO margin) and scored seven TDs on 23 drives, scoring 20+ points in three of four halves, but since 2006, Redskins are 5-15-1 vs spread as home favorite, failing to cover last eight tries (last cover as HF was Week 3 of ’08 vs Arizona). Since ’07, Skins are 5-12-3 vs spread when facing an AFC squad. Since 2008, Bengals are 10-5-1 vs spread when facing an NFC team. Cincy allowed 120+ rushing yards, 300+ passing yards in each of first two games—not good. Home side won side of last eight series games, with Bengals losing three of last four visits here. This is just third series meeting in last 21 years. Redskins had punt blocked in each of first two games, which doesn’t happen much.
Jets (1-1) @ Dolphins (1-1)—Vast improvement between Games 1-2 for Fish, but they were also playing Oakland squad making cross country flight after playing Monday night home game. Big question is whether Dolphin OL can open more holes for Bush, who shredded Raider defense for 179 yards last week. Miami won five of last seven series games, with road team winning six of last nine; average total in last three series games is 27.3. Jets had three TD drives of less than 55 yards in opening win, then completed just 10-27 passes in loss at Pittsburgh; they’re 7-4 as road favorites under Ryan, 11-7 in games where spread is 3 or less points, but 8-11 vs spread off a loss. Home teams won seven of first 10 divisional games this season (home dogs 3-2). Since 2007, Miami still just 7-12 as a home underdog.
Chiefs (0-2) @ Saints (0-2)—NFC teams won seven of first eight games with AFC. Both teams desperate for W after horrific starts (both allowed 40-35 points in first two games); two worst pass defenses in league, with KC allowing 9.1/9.4 per pass attempt in first two games, Saints 11.5/11.6 in Spagnuolo’s first two games as DC. Chiefs covered nine of last ten games vs NFC teams; since ’07, they’re 21-15-1 as road underdogs. NO also allowed 153-219 rushing yards in first two games, allowing eight TD’s, four FG tries on 22 drives; they’ve allowed seven TD’s, two FGs on 10 red zone drives, and they lost field position by 7-9 yards. Chiefs are 4-2 in Crescent City, with Super Bowl IV win over Vikings (@ Tulane Stadium) franchise’s greatest moment, but they’re 4-5 overall vs Saints, losing last two meetings.
Bills (1-1) @ Browns (0-2)—Hard to gauge Bills after splitting pair of one-sided games; since 2004, Buffalo is 7-4 vs spread as a road favorite- they’re 3-6-1 as a favorite under Gailey. Bills ran ball for 195-201 yards in first two games, and scored eight TDs without trying FG, positive signs, but they’ve lost field position battle by 11-6 yards, and are 4-10-3 vs spread in last 17 games where spread was 3 or less points. Cleveland led Eagles in last 2:00 of home opener but allowed late TD and lost by point; rookie QB Weeden improved last week in his second start- they’re 3-9-3 vs spread in last dozen games where spread was 3 or less. Browns are 3-2 in last five series games; Buffalo lost 8-0 in last visit here, five years ago. Bills have a TD drive of less than 50 yards in both games, a sign defense/special teams are helping.
Jaguars (0-2) @ Colts (1-1)—Jags lost 10 of last 11 road games; they led late at Minnesota in opener, but 55-yard FG sent them to OT, where they lost. Jax is 15-22 vs spread in game following their last 37 losses. Indy got first win of Luck era last week, scoring late to beat same Viking squad that had beaten Jags in opener; they’ve been outscored 31-13 in second half of their two games. Colts are 3-6-1 in last ten games where spread was 3 or less points; they’re 3-6 SU at home in post-Manning era. Home teams are 7-3 vs spread in divisional games so far this season, home favorites 4-1. Jax won three of last four series games, splitting last four visits here; QB Gabbert (hamstring) was replaced by former Dolphin Henne last week, not sure who gets nod here. I wouldn’t consider this game a great investment opportunity.
Eagles (2-0) @ Cardinals (2-0)—Arizona won its last nine games that were decided by less than 7 points; they’ve allowed only two TDs, three FGs on opponents’ seven red zone drives this year. Philly gained 942 yards in two games, outgaining foes by 246-162, but turned ball over nine times and had to score in last 2:00 to win both games by a point; now they visit old friend Kevin Kolb, who has Redbirds at 2-0 after defense stopped opponents in red zone in last 2:00 of both games; they’ve got seven sacks in two games, holding Brady to 5.9 yards/pass attempt last week, but harder to sack mobile Vick, who converted 15 of 34 3rd down plays this year. Arizona won three of last four series games; Eagles lost last two visits here, by 6-7 points. NFC West teams are 6-0 vs spread in non-divisional games, NFC East squads are 1-5.
Falcons (2-0) @ Chargers (2-0)—Short week and cross country trip for Atlanta after hanging on to beat Denver Monday night, for 16th cover in last 22 tries vs AFC squads; this is their third straight AFC West foe to start season. Falcons won five in row and seven of eight vs Chargers, with only loss in ’88- they’ve won all five of their visits to Qualcomm, but San Diego defense appears improved, allowing only 83 rushing yards on 30 carries in first two games- they haven’t allowed first half TD yet. Atlanta has six takeaways (+5) in two games, but Bolts have only one turnover (+1) so far this year. Over last four years, Chargers are 6-9-1 vs spread in NFC games. Under Mike Smith, Falcons are 17-8-1 vs spread in games where spread is 3 or less points. NFC teams won seven of first eight games vs AFC opponents.
Texans (2-0) @ Broncos (1-1)—Short week for Denver after late comeback in Atlanta ended in 27-21 loss; they trailed both games at half, but outscored opponents 38-16 in second half. Homecoming of sorts for Kubiak, who backed up Elway here and was assistant for Shanahan; DC Phillips is also a former Denver coach. Houston appeared dominant in first two games, but they beat two of worst teams in Miami/Jax, while Denver was splitting with Steelers/ Falcons, two of better teams. Big jump in class for Texan defense, facing Manning after stopping Taneyhill/Gabbert in first two games. Fox is 7-10-1 in last 18 games where spread was 3 or less points; Houston won all five of their games like that LY. Home side won all three series games, with Texans losing 24-23 (’10)/31-13 (’04) in two visits here.
Steelers (1-1) @ Raiders (0-2)— Oakland got ball run down their throats in Miami last week, giving up 263 yards on ground (6.2 yards/carry), but to be fair, that was tough scheduling spot, with cross country trip after Monday night game. Raiders have 37 rushes for 68 yards in first two games, with 649 passing yards; they’ve got to have better balance than that. Steelers were supposed to run ball more/better with Haley as new OC, but in their first two games, they’ve run ball 54 times for 141 yards (2.6 ypc) albeit against Denver/ Jets, two playoff-type teams. Since ’04, Raiders are just 13-22-1 as home underdog; Steelers are 10-16-1 as road favorites under Tomlin. Home side won four of last five series games; Pitt lost six of last nine visits here, but this is their first visit in six years.
Patriots (1-1) @ Ravens (1-1)—New England won seven of last eight series games, winning last two by 23-20 scores, including bitter loss in LY’s playoffs, when Ravens missed tying FG at end, after they dropped winning TD pass in end zone; Patriots won both visits here 46-38/27-24- remember Belichick grew up near hear here—his dad was assistant coach at Annapolis. Both sides lost last week; Ravens lost 24-23 in Philly despite four takeaways, three in their red zone, while Gostkowski missed 42-yard FG at gun in Patriots’ shocking 20-18 home loss to Arizona. Ankle injury to star TE Hernandez hurts NE offense; they re-signed Branch/Winslow during week. Curious to see if Welker is utilized more, or if he in on way out. Since 2008, Ravens are 18-10-1 as home favorites. Patriots covered 21 of last 28 games that followed a loss.
Packers (1-1) @ Seahawks (1-1)—Seattle gave Packers’ backup QB Flynn $13M last winter, but he is still #2 QB behind rookie Wilson; he’ll be valuable here, since he knows every aspect of Packer offense. Curious if Green Bay used their four extra days of prep time to change signals. Seahawks got huge jump in home opener with big special teams plays, recovering fumble on opening kickoff and blocking punt for TD, grabbing quick 10-0 lead, then running ball for 182 yards to wear Cowboys down. Green Bay averaged 5.9/5.7 yards/pass attempt in first two games; Seahawks held first two opponents under 300 total yards. Seattle is 8-5 as home underdog under Carroll; since ’03, they’re 12-8 as home dog. Green Bay won six of last seven series games, winning 48-10 in last meeting in ‘09; they’ve split four visits here.
The best thing about this time of year is that football reigns supreme. But you can’t forget about the other sports that are less interesting than football. That is a huge mistake. No matter what sport we talk about, “moron” is always the flavor of the day.
Today’s nominees for “Who’s Dumber” are:
Yunel Escobar – TU ERE MARICON! I have a feeling that this guy is going to win the vote easily today for writing YOU ARE A FAGGOT in Spanish on his eye strips. Remember how Tim Tebow likes to put dumb bible verses on his face? This is the hilarious exact opposite. Why would you even do this? Does Escobar think that no one other than him speaks Spanish? I applaud his open and honest hatred for Greg Louganis’s kin and all, but this might be the #1 dumbest display of the year.
Metta World Peace – The Lakers goal this year is to go 73-9! I used to get mad about Artest always being in the news for saying stupid shit but then I realized, why would anyone stop asking this Martian’s opinion? He has no filter at all and is certifiably insane. Have you seen his stand-up routine that is making its way around the internet this week? AWFUL! But seriously, the Lakers aren’t going to set any regular season wins records this year. They’re too old with average coaching and very little depth. They don’t care about the regular season anyway. Just get them to May and then they’ll turn it on.
Greg Norman – Tiger Woods is definitely afraid of Rory McIlroy, huh? I’m sorry, Shark, but the most dominant golfer of all time isn’t afraid of a guy who looks like Little Orphan Annie. Tiger is getting older, not becoming a pussy. Period. I see that Tiger responded by saying that it isn’t like Ray Lewis is trying to tackle him or something. It’s just a guy named Rory. Tiger makes a great point, too, because Ray Ray got away with murder and you should be afraid of him. Tiger ain’t ‘fraid of nuffin’!
Jim Leyland – I would be SHOCKED if Miguel Cabrera doesn’t win the MVP! Also, Justin The Pitcher Guy has created t-shirts with the phrase “Keep the MVP in The D” on them. Whoo boy, where to start? First of all, personal awards in sports mean absolutely nothing. Let’s just get that out there. No one gives any sort of fucks about who wins what. Did you win a championship? That is what matters. Second, it would be kind of cool if someone won the Triple Crown and if he pulls that off then maybe the fat drunk should win. I’d be OK with that. But I just can’t shake my feelings that the league MVP should make the postseason and that is why I find this to be really stupid. The Tigers are in the middle of a playoff chase that is slipping away VERY fast yet the #1 topic in their Busch reg-filled clubhouse is the MVP candidacy of Miggy. That doesn’t sit well with me. Again, this award means nothing if the team with the nine figure payroll wastes an entire season with mediocre play. Maybe the Tigers should worry more about making the playoffs and much, much less about a trophy that Lardo is just going to turn into a scotch bong anyway.
So who gets your vote for the dumbest non-football player of the week? Yunel is an easy target.
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