spooky Posts:4511 Followers:308
09/14/2012 12:12 AM

NFL ANALYSIS

Bears (1-0) @ Packers (0-1)— Increased urgency for Pack after getting outrushed 186-45 in last week’s loss to 49ers; losing two home games to start season invites a disaster. Green Bay needs to run ball better than last week’s paltry 45 yards on 14 carries. Pack won last four games in NFL’s oldest rivalry (one of which was playoff game in Chicago), with wins by average score of 23-14; Chicago lost its last four visits to Lambeau by average score of 26-11. Cutler started out 1-12 last week but later led five TD drives and led NFL with nine plays of 20+ yards. Bears are 4-5 in last nine road openers, scoring 15 or less points in losses, 21+ in wins. You're reading armadillosports.com. Over last 20 years, Chicago is 7-6 against the spread as an underdog in road openers. Seven of their last eight road openers stayed under total. Short week!!!

Bucs (1-0) @ Giants (0-1)—Schiano’s first road game as Bucs’ HC brings him back to New Jersey, where he coached Rutgers for 12 years; both his coordinators coached for Giants, DC Sheridan (’05-’09), OC Sullivan (’04-’11). Much like Green Bay, Giants can’t afford to start year with two home losses; they allowed Dallas to average 9.4 yards/pass attempt in opening loss. Big Blue was only NFL team not to gain 20+ yards on any 1st/2nd down play last week; all three of their explosive plays came on 3rd downs. Bucs held Carolina to 10 yards rushing last week, allowed them to convert only twice on 10 third downs on stormy day. Tampa Bay won its last two road openers, but is 3-5 vs spread in last eight, all as underdog. 14 of their last 19 road openers stayed under total, but only one of last four. Average total in last eight series meetings, 24.4, with Giants winning last three by average score of 22-6.

Cardinals (1-0) @ Patriots (1-0)—Arizona lost last two visits here, 31-0/47-7; they come in off high after stopping Seattle in red zone at end of 20-16 win in home opener. Looks like Kolb will get start at QB here, after starter Skelton got hurt (high ankle sprain) with Cardinals down 16-13; Kolb then directed winning TD drive. Patriots ran ball for 162 yards last week, passed for 228, unusually good balance for them. Arizona won three of last four road openers, covering all four, after 0-6 skid (1-4-1 vs spread) before that. Redbirds are 9-6-1 vs spread in last 16 tries as an underdog in road openers, with five of last six staying under total. Patriots won last 10 home openers (6-3-1 vs spread), with eight of the ten games going over total; they covered last three home openers that weren’t in Week 1. This is first time since ’00 they host an NFC team in a home opener.

Vikings (1-0) @ Colts (0-1)—Indy’s post-Manning era got off to fast start when defense scored in first 4:00 last week, but they wound up giving up 41 points, NFL-high nine plays of 20+ yards. Colts turned ball over five times, converted just 2 of 10 on 3rd down in rough debut for team with new coach, new QB, new beginning. Vikings rallied to win in OT last week, kicking FGs on four of last five drives, including game-tying 55-yarder. Home team won nine of last ten series games; Vikings lost 31-10/31-28 in two visits here, but Indy had different QB then. Not sure how much these trends mean for them, but Colts are 3-7 in last ten home openers not started by now-departed Manning. Vikes lost six of last eight road openers; since ’88, they’re 1-8 vs spread as favorite in road openers. Four of Indy’s last six home openers went over total; six of Vikings’ last eight road openers stayed under.

Saints (0-1) @ Panthers (0-1)— Takes time to learn Spagnuolo’s defense; New Orleans was riddled by rookie QB RGIII in home opener, giving up 11.5 yards/pass attempt, but they’ve won last four games vs division rival Panthers, scoring 34-30-45 points in last three meetings, winning 34-3/30-27 in last two visits here. Saints are 9-5 vs spread in last 14 road openers (two of five losses were Thursday games)- their last four road openers went over (average total in last five, 59.4). Since ’88, NO is 2-4 vs spread as road favorite in road openers. Panthers ran ball for only 10 yards in opening loss on stormy day in Tampa; Carolina is 4-13 in home openers, 1-7 in last eight, 4-3 vs spread as underdogs. Over is 3-1-1 in last five, after under was 10-2 in their first 12. Underdogs are 13-3-1 vs spread in Panthers’ home openers.

Chiefs (0-1) @ Bills (0-1)— Buffalo won four of last five series games, crushing Chiefs 41-7 in Arrowhead LY; KC is making first visit here since ’05- they lost last five trips to Orchard Park by average of 19 points (last win here, ’86). Kansas City lost five of last six road openers, losing 48-3 (+7.5) in Detroit LY; only last 15 years, they’re 4-7 vs spread as an underdog in road openers. Buffalo is 4-7 in last 11 season openers, but covered six of last seven; since ’92, they’re 10-5 as favorite in home openers. Both teams gave up 40+ points in losses last week; Chiefs turned ball over three times on 11 plays after missing game-tying FG in 3rd quarter of 40-24 home loss. Bills gave up a TD on offense, one on special teams; none of Jets’ four TD drives was longer than 61 yards. Four of their last six home openers went over the total; five of Chiefs’ last seven road openers stayed under.

Ravens (1-0) @ Eagles (1-0)-- Short week for Raven squad that sported a wide open passing game in win over division rivals Monday; they've lost eight of last 11 road openers, including 26-12 debacle at Tennessee LY, after they crushed Steelers 35-7 in opener. Vick threw four picks in dreadful performance Sunday at Cleveland, but drove team 91 yards for win when it mattered most. Eagles won despite losing field position by 14 yards; that doesn't happen whole lot. Baltimore has covered six of last eight as underdog in road opener, which they are here. Average total in last three series games is 29.3. Four of Ravens' last five road openers went over. Philly lost five of its last six home openers, with four of last five staying under total; since ’88, Eagles are 7-10 against spread as favorite in home opener, 2-4-1 as dog.

Raiders (0-1) @ Dolphins (0-1)-- Very short week and cross country trip for Raiders, who trailed 10-6 Monday night before injury to long snapper pointed game in San Diego's favor. Miami won three in row and nine of last 11 series games, with Raiders losing six of last seven visits here, with four of six losses by 6 or less points. Over last 16 years, Oakland is 5-11 vs spread in Week 1, but they’ve won three of last four road openers, covering four of last five; over is 9-3-1 in its last 13 road openers. Dolphins are 8-30 vs spread in last 38 games as a home favorite; they've lost six in row and eight of last nine home openers, losing last six by average score of 28-18 (0-6 vs spread), with four of last five home openers going over total. Since ’93, Miami is 1-7 vs spread in home openers that were not in Week 1.

Browns (0-1) @ Bengals (0-1)— Cincinnati won last three series games, by 2-10-3 points; four of last six series games were decided by three or less points. Browns lost seven of last eight visits here, losing last two trips here by total of 5 points. Cleveland is 1-5 in last six road openers, after winning four of first seven; favorites are 6-2-1 vs spread in last nine road openers, with eight of last 11 going over total. Browns had Eagles down 16-10 after picking Vick off four times in opener last week, but they let him drive 91 yards for winning TD in last 2:00. Short week for Bengals after Monday night’s beating in Baltimore. Cincy lost three of its last four home openers, scoring a dismal 9.3 ppg; they covered just three of last 12 as a favorite in home openers, which they are here. Seven of Cincy’s last nine home openers stayed under total. Cleveland is 8-5 vs spread in last 13 games as road dog in divisional games.

Texans (1-0) @ Jaguars (0-1)-- Home teams won eight of last ten series games, with Texans losing five of last seven visits here; Houston is 12-6-1 vs spread as a favorite last 2+ years, 5-2 on road. Jaguars won 17 of 27 (63%) plays on 3rd down at Minnesota last week, but couldn't stop Vikings at end of game and lost in OT. Since '07, Jax is 6-10 vs spread as a home dog, 3-6 in divisional games. Houston won last three road openers (scored 34-30-23 points) after losing five of first seven; they won 30-27 (-3)/23-13 (-3) as favorites in last two road openers, first two times they’ve been favored in one. Seven of their last nine road openers went over the total. Jaguars are 4-3 in last seven home openers, winning last two 24-17/16-14; they actually won six of their first seven home openers, are 4-2 as underdogs in a home opener. Under is 11-5-1 in all 17 of their home openers.

Cowboys (1-0) @ Seahawks (0-1)— Seattle won/covered eight of its last nine home openers, winning last three by combined score of 72-16, but they've lost last three games with Cowboys, all by 10+ points, but all three of those were in Texas. Pokes lost three of last four visits here, with last win 43-39 back in '84. Dallas had four extra days to rest/prepare after winning its opener in Swamp; How many times will ESPN show Romo botching snap on kick in '06 playoff game played here? Home side won last five series games; Dallas is 3-3 here, 1-3 in last four visits, with last win 43-39 in ’04.Since ’88, 2-4 vs spread as dog in Seattle's home openers. Under is 19-5 in their last 24 home openers, 2-3 in last five. Seattle had only one TD on four red zone drives last week, lost 20-16 in Arizona despite 10-yard edge in field position. Under is 9-1-1 in Seahawks’ last 11 home openers.

Redskins (1-0) @ Rams (0-1)—RGIII bandwagon has gotten very crowded very quickly; Rams are team that traded its pick to Washington so they could draft him. Skins averaged 11.5 yards/pass attempt last week in Superdome, #1 figure in NFL, but don't forget, Saints are learning new defense and without a head coach. St Louis is 3-2 vs Skins last six years; Rams haven’t held edge over many teams during that span. Redskins won five of last seven visits here. Rams lost last five home openers (0-5 vs spread) by average score of 34-14; they’re 0-4-1 vs spread last five times their home opener wasn’t in Week 1. St Louis played better defense in Detroit last week but couldn't finish job. Washington DC Haslett was interim coach of Rams after Scott Linehan was fired in ‘08. Under is 8-3-1 in Skins’ last dozen road openers; over is 9-5-1 in Rams’ last 15 home openers.

Jets (1-0) @ Steelers (0-1)— Last two seasons, Pittsburgh is 7-0-1 vs spread in game following a loss; they allowed 8.6 yds/pass attempt last week-- Sanchez is no Manning. Remember Tebow beat Steelers with Mile High TD in OT in LY’s playoffs; that said, Jets are 4-17 vs Steelers, with last four meetings all decided by 5 or less points, and last two Pitt wins coming in playoff games. Jets’ win here in ’10 was their only one in nine visits. Gang Green is 8-4 in last 12 road openers, 5-1 vs spread in last six, covering last four games as an underdog in road openers.. Pitt won last nine home openers (8-1 vs spread, covering last seven), allowing 10-9-0 points in last three; they upset Falcons in '10 home opener, even with Big Ben suspended. Steelers are 6-3 vs spread in home openers that aren’t in Week 1. Under is 8-5 in Jets’ last 13 road openers, 3-0 in Steelers’ last three home openers.

Titans (0-1) @ Chargers (1-0)—Short week for San Diego after win in Monday night opener in Oakland, when they benefitted from Oakland losing its snapper on punts/kicks; Chargers won eight in row over old AFL rivals, with last loss in Astrodome 20 years ago. Titans lost last five visits here by average score of 29-14; their last win here was in ’90. Tennessee won three of last five road openers (4-1 vs spread), with only non-cover 16-14 loss (-1) at Jax LY; dogs covered all five of those games. San Diego is 4-5 in last nine home openers (3-6 vs spread), despite being favored in seven of those nine games. Bolts are 4-10 vs spread last 14 times their home opener wasn’t in Week 1. 13 of Titans’ last 15 road openers stayed under total, including last five in row; seven of Bolts’ last nine home openers went over. Since '04, Chargers are 32-22-2 as home favorites. since '06, Tennessee is 18-10-1 vs spread as a road underdog.

Lions (1-0) @ 49ers (1-0)—Head coaches almost had post-game skirmish after 49ers’ 25-19 win at Ford Field LY, Niners’ 8th series win in row, and 13th in last 14 meetings. 49ers are 7-1-1 vs spread in last nine home openers, 3-0-1 in last four as favorite-- they’re 5-2 in last seven SU. 49ers outrushed Green Bay 186-45 in impressive win at Lambeau last week; they're +29 in turnovers in 17 regular season games under Harbaugh. This year is only second time in last 8 years Niners' home opener is non-divisional game. Detroit won last week, even though they had -3 turnover ratio, first time they did that since 1972. Lions are 3-8 in last 11 road openers; since ’88, they’re 4-2 vs spread in as an underdog in road openers. Since '08, 49ers are 16-6-1 vs spread as favorites at The Stick. Six of Detroit’s last seven road openers went over total. Detroit is 11-6-2 as a non-divisional underdog under Schwartz.

Broncos (1-0) @ Falcons (1-0)—Manning looked lot like old self last week, as Denver averaged 8.6 yards/pass attempt and had three TD drives of 80+ yards. Since 2007, Falcons are 19-7-1 vs spread as a home favorite; since '05, they've covered 19 of 28 games vs AFC opponents. Since '06, Manning is 7-2 as road underdog. Denver won seven of last eight series meetings, with average total in last nine 63.6- they’ve won last four visits here, but Fox lost last three visits here with Carolina, by 17-8-21 points-- he also lost five of last seven road openers. Denver is 3-5 in its last eight road openers, with under 7-2-1 in its last ten. Manning won nine of his last 11 road openers, with LY obviously not counting, since he didn’t play. Atlanta won/covered eight of last nine home openers, winning last three by combined score of 72-16. Under is 9-1-1 in Falcons’ last 11 home openers.

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spooky Posts:4511 Followers:308
09/14/2012 09:44 AM

Friday's six-pack

Some NFL knowledge, with Week 2 bearing down on us........

-- Carolina covered once in its last eight divisional home games.

-- Bucs are 8-2 in last 10 games as non-diviional road underdog.

-- Seahawks covered five of their last six tries as home underdog.

-- Cowboys are 1-8 vs spread in game following their last nine wins.

-- Vikings are 3-10-1 vs spread in last 14 games at AFC squads.

-- 49ers are 9-0-1 against spread in their last ten home games.

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spooky Posts:4511 Followers:308
09/14/2012 09:46 AM

Friday's Lit of 13: Things I'm looking for this weekend........

13) The RGIII bandwagon rolls into St Louis, as Robert Griffin faces the team that got three #1 picks and a #2 pick in exchange for the draft pick Washington used to select the Baylor QB. Rams will play defense better than a rudderless New Orleans team that is still learning Steve Spagnuolo’s system. Jones Dome will be lot quieter than the Superdome was.

12) Last time Tennessee was favored to beat Florida was 2004; second tough road game in row for Gators, who came from behind to beat the Texas Aggies last week.

11) Tampa Bay Rays visit the Bronx this weekend, in a surprisingly big series, for both sides. Three weeks to go in the baseball season, and the playoff picture is still very unclear, especially in the AL.

10) Michael Vick played poorly in the Dawg Pound last week; he needs to play better against a Raven team that’s covered just twice in last 10 games following an appearance on Monday Night Football.

9) Pitt has already lost to Youngstown/Cincinnati, they’re an 11-point home dog to Virginia Tech this week. Not good for a team with a senior QB, even if they are on their 4th head coach in the last three years.

8) Has anyone asked if Stephen Strasburg will have an innings limit again next year? The actual Tommy John threw 200+ innings the first five years after he had the first TJ surgery, but he was in his 30’s then.

7) NFL schedule makers put Denver on at night five times in season’s first eight weeks; they should hit ratings gold in Atlanta Monday night, two good ball clubs.

6) Notre Dame hung 50 points on Navy in Ireland, now after a week off, the Middies visit troubled Penn State, which had another starter defect this week. Tough to prepare for Navy’s option attack in less than a week.

5) Phillies/Brewers are both charging in NL Wild Card race. Two of the three teams they’re chasing, Cardinals/Dodgers have a 4-game series with each other this weekend. The charging teams need a Card-Dodger split this weekend, and obviously, they need to keep winning themselves.

4) Dolphins/Colts both have winnable games at home; since both are starting rookie QBs, there’s no guarantees they’ll have many more winnable games the rest of the year, especially the Dolphins, who are catching a Raider team in a brutal spot, making a cross country flight after playing the late game Monday night.

3) One of the stranger things this weekend will be arrogant Bronx Bomber fans rooting for the A’s, since the Orioles are in Oakland for three games. A’s will be in the Bronx next weekend, as part of a dicey Detroit-Bronx-Texas road trip.

2) Utah-BYU has always been a bitter rivalry, but with Utes going to Pac-12 and BYU becoming independent, it just isn’t the same. Now comes word Utah QB Jordan Wynn has given up football after suffering another shoulder injury last week. Could be a long year for the Utes.

1) Its been 10 years since the Steelers started a season 0-2; they’ll need to protect Big Ben Sunday to beat the Jets and even their record. Hard to tell how much off last week’s 48-28 Jet win was about the Jets and how much was about the woeful Buffalo Bills.

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bettingurl Posts:25 Followers:0
09/16/2012 12:17 PM

SPOOKY MAGIC GOOD LUCK TODAY

spooky Posts:4511 Followers:308
09/16/2012 12:47 PM

Thanks BG. Right back at ya. Not so much like a ton today so will come back later with a few.
Lions are on tonight, hope they fare better than the pitiful USC offensive line did last night.

NFL

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS +4

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS -13

PITTSBURGH STEELERS -4

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS +4

DETROIT LIONS +8

No idea what I was thinking with the Patriots. Had Arizona all week and I go about and change my mind.
Couple more for later along with liking the Rams as well but enough is enough. Been just so horrible this month.

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spooky Posts:4511 Followers:308
09/16/2012 12:52 PM

Sunday's List of 13: Wrapping up a college football Saturday in case you missed some of what went down......

13) Stanford beat USC again, 21-14, shutting Trojans out in second half; fourth year in a row the Cardinal beat Southern California. USC was 0-12 on third down, which is a very surprising statistic. Barf!

12) UL-Monroe continues to be September's most entertaining team; after winning in OT at Arkansas last week, the Warhawks went to Auburn and lost 31-28, also in OT. Only a TD on Hail Mary on the last play of the first half doomed Monroe. That, and not having a reliable kicker.

11) Steve Spurrier won his 200th career game Saturday; his best coaching job remains getting Duke to a bowl with Dave Brown as his QB.

10) Clayton Kershaw may need surgery for a torn labrum in his hip; the Dodgers' key players have had trouble staying healthy this month.

9) Milwaukee Brewers are within 2.5 games of the last NL playoff spot, but they've lost ten games they led after the 8th inning this season.

8) Colorado trailed 55-7 at halftime at Fresno State; Buffaloes are in Pac-12, but why? They're the worst team in a BCS conference. If you're an ambitious young football coach, send your resume to Boulder. They're going to be hiring a new staff in a couple months.

7) Another coach who will be packing boxes soon is Joker Phillips down at Kentucky; Wildcats lost to Western Kentucky in OT. Luckily for him, basketball practice at UK starts in less than four weeks, so not many folks will notice when Kentucky gets knocked around in SEC play.

6) One more job opening this winter will be Arkansas, which lost 52-0 at home to Alabama-- their QB is hurt, the coach got fired for screwing around on his wife then giving his girlfriend a cushy job in the athletic department, the injured QB accused his teammates of quitt--well, you get the idea. Its September 16 and its already been a long season there.

5) Lookalikes: Florida Gators football coach Will Muschamp and former NHL defenseman Mike Milbury.

4) Firing the offensive line coach didn't help Wisconsin much; Badgers had to hang to edge Utah State 16-14. Badgers ran ball for only 156 yards against the gritty Aggies. Losing six assistant coaches didn't help bully Bret Bielema-- Wisconsin won't be scoring 83 on Indiana this year.

3) Cal Bears outgained Ohio State by 100 yards, running ball for 224, but got hosed on a bogus holding call, then got victimized by their dreadful kicker (3 missed FGs), losing an extremely winnable game, 35-28.

2) Friday night, Bergen Catholic beat Bishop Gorman 42-35 in high school game in Las Vegas. Why is a high school team from New Jersey going cross country to play a game on a Friday night? Who paid for it? If they played on Friday, they traveled on Thursday, at the latest.

1) Bizarre ending at Utah late Saturday night, when the Utes' crowd got a 15-yard penalty for charging the field after a blocked FG, and it almost cost Utah the game. BYU got to re-try the game-tying FG from 15 yards closer, but the kid hit the upright and Utah won anyway, 24-21.

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thetopdog Posts:37 Followers:1
09/16/2012 01:30 PM

Good Luck today my friend! I will patiently wait for your BIG play. When Spooky says he has a big one, smart players pay attention! :)

spooky Posts:4511 Followers:308
09/17/2012 09:45 AM

Monday's six-pack

-- Cardinals kept their tenuous hold on the second NL Wild Card slot, as they beat the Dodgers in 12 innings. Milwaukee is charging, too.

-- Memo to FOX; lose the soccer scores on bottom of the screen during NFL games. Might as well run Friday's stock prices.

-- High school kid in Oregon ran for 600+ yards and ten TDs Friday nite. Kid already has a scholarship to play for the Oregon Ducks; the coach is a jackass, for embarrassing an obviously outmanned team.

-- Nebraska football coach Bo Pelini was back at work Sunday, after he was taken to a hospital at halftime of the Cornhuskers' game Saturday. Just one more example of how a lot of coaches are freakin' crazy.

-- People are talking about stringing younger pitchers out to have them pitch only once a week, the way its done in college. That way, shutting a kid like Stephen Strasburg down for an innings limit would happen less.

-- Only two of 16 NFL games this coming week are divisional games.

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spooky Posts:4511 Followers:308
09/17/2012 09:50 AM

Monday's List of 13: Wrapping up an NFL Sunday..........

13) WE NEED THE REGULAR REFEREES BACK!!!!!!
Was that clear enough?

12) First half of the Ram-Redskin game was a debacle; incompetent refs screwing up a game. Apparently the best refs do the primetime games, the Dallas game, and the Jet/Giant games, because they get the most media coverage. The rest of the teams? Moe, Larry and Curly are reffing.

When the network announcers bitch about the refs, you know they're bad. Those guys are usually very slow to criticize.

11) I would compare the replacement refs to when we were in high school and there was a substitute teacher; kids ran amok, doing what they want, showing little respect for the sub. A certain lawlessness is emerging on the field, a lot more chippy play in almost every game. Its not good.

Anyway, on to the action from Sunday.......
10) New Orleans is 0-2, allowing 11.5/11.6 yards/pass attempt in those two games. There have been 31 games this season; of those 62 teams, those are the two best passing games in the NFL so far this season.

NFL screwed the Saints bigtime by suspending Sean Payton for the season.

Roger Goodell is going to need a solid security detail at the Super Bowl in February. Did I mention its in New Orleans?

9) Justin Tucker is a tremendous kicker for the Ravens; he made kicks of 56-51-48 yards at Philly Sunday. Very powerful leg.

8) Five teams who started rookie QBs turned ball over 15 times last week, only twice this week. After two weeks, they're 5-5 against spread.

7) I'm guessing lot of knockout pools took a serious hit when Patriots got knocked off by Arizona. Not often a 13-point underdog wins in the NFL.

6) In case you keep track of stuff like this, NFC West teams are 6-0 vs spread in non-divisional games; NFC East/North teams are combined 2-10.

5) Last week, there were 140 plays from scrimmage of 20+ yards, an average of 4.38 per team; this week so far, there have been 138, an average of 4.6 per team. Teams don't do as much during exhibition games anymore, so they're getting their offenses into gear during the actual games.

4) Last week, Giants had three explosive plays, all on 3rd down plays; against Tampa Bay Sunday, they had nine, with six of the nine coming on first down. If they let Eli Manning be more aggressive, they'd score a lot more points. Imagine that.......what a concept!!! Trying to score!!!

3) Redskins had a punt blocked for second week in row; this almost never happens in the NFL, unless there's an injury to the long snapper. Wouldn't be surprised if Washington changed punters this week.

2) Ugly start to the game on special teams for Dallas; they fumble the opening kickoff, Seattle kicks a FG. Dallas goes 3-and-out, Seahawks block the punt and go ahead 10-0, without having done a damn thing on offense.

1) If you were picking a Super Bowl matchup right this second, Houston-San Francisco would make a lot of sense. Thats not how it works, though.

Did I mention we need the regular refs back. Please?!?!?!

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spooky Posts:4511 Followers:308
09/17/2012 10:17 AM

The Worst of Week Two Spooky style

So my million dollar challenge paid off. Had a winning week in both college and NFL this week to bounce back from an abysmal NFL Week 1.

Did anyone see that weird segment on the NFL Network's pregame show right before Thursday's game? The "HE'S A BEAST" thing? That was really bizarre. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, each panelist talks about some guy for a few seconds and then screams "HE'S A BEEEEEEAST" into the camera. It is truly awful yet I hope that they keep doing it because I LOL'd hard when the white guys on set tried it.

It reminds me of the extremely played out "Come On, Man" segment that ESPN still does and the dumbest of the dumb still love. Let's be honest: the only point of these pieces are for black people to sound cool and whiteys to look ridiculous. I mean, COME ON MAN, Mike Ditka and Berman come off as complete fucktards when they try to keep up with the Keyshawns and TJ's of the world. And last Monday, when the always adorable Suzy was filling in for "the guy that should have switched places with Tom Mees", she was just embarrassing. In conclusion, I'm cautiously optimistic to see Rich Eisen make the above face at me every Thursday for the rest of the season. Onto the rest of week 2 or as millions of people around the country call it, "The Patriots just eliminated me from my survivor pool".

The Chiefs - Jesus Christ, Matt Cassel is the worst. CJ Spiller is the best. Clearly, Fred Jackson was holding the Bills back.

Tom Coughlin - What the fuck is he so pissed off about? God forbid Tampa Bay lay down and die! Asshole. Tom Coughlin is an asshole.

Defenses in that game - The Giants D still looks shit-tastic. Tampa Bay's secondary has an ample amount of old Browns. It should come as no surprise that there were ten million passing yards in this game.

Drew Brees - I'm willing to call it after two games: the Saints are terrible. They can't stop anyone and Brees appears to be mortal after all. Starting out 0-2 against the Skins and Panthers tells me that the Saints won't finish .500. D. Sproles: still sick!

Weeden Haters - So maybe you shouldn't have overreacted to the rookie's debut last week after all, right? He looked fairly competent yesterday! T-Rich looked good, too. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the Browns might have won yesterday if Joe Haden was a fucking moron. Or, you know...

IND/MIN and JAX/HOU - I give no fucks about these teams and games.

The Raiders - This is what happens when you deactivate MY BOY, Terrelle Pryor! You get stomped by the worst offense in league history. The Raiders truly are terrible. They and Romeo Crennel's team are the two worst teams in the league through 2 weeks.

Tom Brady - If something is not right with Brees, then something REALLY isn't right with The Dreamboat. Who gets outplayed by Kevin Kolb at home? KEVIN KOLB! They didn't deserve to win that game anyway because...

Ryan Williams - Yeah, your days of getting carries are over. You thought that you were all cute when Beanie Wells got hurt (AGAIN) and you would be getting the load. Not anymore...now get a haircut.

Steven Gostkowski - LOL! Do you kick for Cal in your spare time? As always, FUCK NEW ENGLAND!

LeSean McCoy - Nice fumbles, jerk. Are the Eagles the worst 2-0 team of all time? It's amazing how lucky Mike Vick is considering that he doesn't deserve to have any luck go his way.

Jake Locker - Jake Locker is a really bad QB.

Jason Witten and Tony Romo - Witten dropped everything thrown his way and Romo was his typical unELITE self. If you didn't see this coming from Dallas then you don't know anything. This is typical of them. Look like a Super Bowl team one week and then complete baby shit the next. They do this ALL THE TIME.

The Jets - Yeah, we knew that they weren't as good as they looked last week. This game was really dull and pointless outside of that Tenor run.

JOSH FUCKING MORGAN - YOU DUMB FUCK! WHY ARE YOU THROWING THE BALL AT FINNEGAN WHEN YOU ARE IN FIELD GOAL RANGE! YOU FUCKING COST THEM THE GODDAMN GAME WITH YOUR FUCKTARDERY. I knew that last week was fool's gold. I just knew it. I had a hard time putting Morgan on this list since I had the Rams yesterday and I was laughing all the way to my Bookmaker account. But he deserves it.

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