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SPOOKY'S DOES THE NOISE IN MY HEAD BOTHER YOU MONDAY EXPRESS
Monday's List of 13: Wrapping up an NFL Sunday........
13) Anyone who thinks Tony Romo is an elite QB, think again; fumbles on the 2-yard line with a 24-17 lead, when a FG seals the deal, then tosses an INT in the last minute of a tie game. How many big games has the guy won? One? He's a guy with a catchy name playing on a popular team. In no way is he an elite NFL quarterback.
12) NBC tells us that Cowboys were 241-0-1 all-time in games where they led by 14+ points in the fourth quarter. Make that 241-1-1.
11) Cam Newton's NFL debut: 24-37/422 yards with two TD's. Carolina lost the game, but Panther fans have to be very fired up about Newton-- he is the first QB ever to pass for 400+ yards in his NFL debut.
10) Chargers came from behind to beat Minnesota, but they lost kicker Nate Kaeding for the season with a torn ACL. He got hurt on the opening kickoff, when Percy Harvin ran it back all the way for a Viking TD.
9) NFC South went 0-4 this week, first time that division has done that since Week 16 of the 2007 season.
8) Colts only had three WRs in uniform Sunday, which is OK, since they don't have a decent QB to throw them the ball anyway. Colts might think about bringing David Garrard in for a tryout this week, no?
7) On the average, these teams have the most expensive tickets in NFL: Jets $120.85, Patriots $117.84, Giants $111.69, Cowboys $110.20, Bears $101.55.
6) On the average, these teams have the least expensive tickets in NFL: Browns $54.20, Bills $59.19, Jaguars $59.54, Raiders $62.23, Lions $62.40.
5) Lions' QB Matthew Stafford was a catcher in high school; one of the pitchers on his team was the Dodgers' ace Clayton Kershaw.
4) Over the last 13 seasons, Super Bowl losers are now 0-13 against the spread in their opener the next season; Super Bowl winners are 9-2-2 vs spread in their last 13 openers the next season.
3) Detroit was impressive in outgaining Tampa Bay 431-313, but in the first quarter, they outgained the Bucs 143-4 and were losing, 10-6. Nine of Tampa Bay's 11 drives started at their 20 or worse field position.
2) Over the first 14 NFL games this weekend, teams started 166 drives at their own 20 or worse field position, and scored a total of 209 points, an average of 1.26 yards per drive. Thats 5.9 drives per team, which is more than in the past, because of the new kickoff rule. Coaches tend to be a lot more conservative when they're in the shadow of their own goalposts, so will the new rule increase or reduce scoring?
1) If a team is backed up inside its own 20 and doesn't get a first down, and believe me, coaches are nervous inside their own 20, very afraid of committing a turnover, then the other team gets decent field position on the ensuing possession. To get a high scoring game, you need either lot of turnovers or short scoring drives. This will be interesting to track.
-- Rays swept Red Sox, are now only 3.5 games behind Boston; lot of rumors the Red Sox may trade for a pitcher for the next two weeks.
-- Phillies lost in Milwaukee, their first loss in Vance Worley's last 15 starts. Interesting if they'll start Worley or Oswalt in the playoffs.
-- Doug Fister has been awesome for Detroit, as the Tigers run away in the AL Central. Leyland's team will be tough in the playoffs.
-- Arizona had its 15-game home winning streak snapped by the Padres and Wade Leblanc- Snakes are looking awful good to make playoffs.
-- Colorado got Alex White/Drew Pomeranz for Ubaldo Jimenez; in his debut Sunday, Pomeranz blanked the Reds for five innings.
-- Steve Strasburg got thru five innings on 57 pitches in his 2011 debut Tuesday; he only lasted three innings (56 PT) in his second start, but he also gave up just one run. If he stays healthy, he's a big star.
First things first, NO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TALK. That is what Tuesdays are for. I'm sure everyone has an opinion on Michigan, Notre Dame, and how Toledo is pretty much equals with Ohio State, but hold off.
Here we go:
Sean Payton - Last and biggest play of the game, why are you giving the ball to an unproven rookie RB instead of having your all-galaxy QB make a play? That was dumb as shit.
Drew Brees - Jonny Moxon that stupid play, Hairy Mole! It's not like the coach asked you to hand the ball off to Peterson or Hightower or some other well-endowed stud.
Matt Ryan - Falcons fan, Bobalou, doesn't think that ATL is going to be very good this year. She is usually wrong about everything except for pornography but she might be on to something with that call. Jesus, the Falcons looked like shit covered in pubes with old man diarrhea frosting.
Browns Believers - Time to hop off of that bandwagon, fags. The Browns suck cock. They always will suck cock. That might be the most embarrassing loss in the history of football at any level. Never ever believe in a team with a rotten quarterback. Speaking of which...
Colt McShit - Terrible. He can't play. It was fairly bold of him to throw the ball to his center on a 4th-and-game over play. Fucking brutal. FIRE HOLMGREN! The team that HE built just lost at home to the Cincinnatta Bingles.
Kansas City Chiefs - This team has "5 wins" written all over them. I can understand losing to the BILLZ but not by 5 touchdowns. Fuck the Chiefs. No one cares about them. I just want to take some time to remind everyone that BUFFALO IS GOING SUPAH BOWL!!! They looked like one of the five best teams in the league to me (after one game)!!!
Eagles haters/Rams lovers - The Eagles didn't even play that well and still beat the tar (no raycess!) out of a solid and trendy upset pick in their barn. As long as Vick is upright, Philly is going to be juuuuuuust fine. Nice to see Bradford and Steven Jackson get hurt already. That didn't take long.
Matthew Stafford - Great game but the fucking guy limps off the field when he didn't get touched! Jesus, I can't imagine what this year is gonna be like, being a Lions fan and worrying every single time this dude drops back that that will be his last throw of the year. And kudos to my man Jim Schwartz who went his usual apeshit on Gosder Cherilus when the big idiot tried to give the game away in the final two minutes. I missed insane Schwartz.
Chris Johnson - 24 rushing, 25 receiving. Welcome back, asshole. Someone give him a Johnny Unitas haircut.
Peyton Manning's neck - The Colts are going to be absolutely horrible this season. They might actually be in the Suck 4 Luck derby. Kerry Collins is so bad that he should be a safety for Michigan. Whoops, just broke my own rule.
Ben Roethlisberger - Is he legally blind? That is the only excuse for some of the passes he threw yesterday. Yes, the Ravens defense is good but they look a lot better when you just hand them the ball. The Steelers looked old, slow, undisciplined, and poorly coached...not a good start to the season. Obvs it's early (very early), but no Steeler fan can like anything that they saw yesterday. FUCK DA STILLERZ!!!
Nate Kaeding - Is there anything better than watching a kicker get hurt and then carted off the field? I think not. Kaeding is a homo anyway. By the way, the Chargers give up a KO return to start the season...things never change with a Norval coached team.
Donovan McNabb - 39 yards passing. 28 net. Dude sucks. Im sure the Redskins say thanks for the two draft picks.
Cam Haterz - He looked pretty legit to me. Cam appeared to belong to me. 400+ in your first game is ridiculously solid to me. It was the first time in a long time where I was not pissed that the RedZone channel switched over to the Panthers. Newton vs. Rodgers next week!!!
Anyone that watched the 49ers/Seahawks game - Ted Ginn and David Akers were the best players on the field. That is all you need to know.
Eli Manning and the Giants - On Eli's bootleg TD run, has their ever been a nerdier-looking touchdown and celebration? I think not. But the Redskins dominated a team that they NEVER beat.
Rex H8RZ - Actual postgame quote from The Sex Cannon, "I've got a lot of haters out there so this feels good".
That will about do it for this week. ESPN has two God awful Monday night games tonight. Probably a 6 hour pregame show, too.