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SPOOKY'S NFL PLAYOFF WEEK LIONS HAVE NO DEFENSE EXPRESS
The Worst Of Week Seventeen starting off with the Lions defense
Suck on that, Orakpo. Let's get talking about terrible NFL . I will probably write way too much about this since no one else will be working today. Fags.
Lions Defense - The fuck? What a terrible effort. Over/under on Drew Brees touchdown passes next week is 7.5. Take the over.
Fucking D cost me a trip to Jersey and the Meadowlands and see by little brother Ryan. Fuckers Fuckers Fuckers
Actually, both defenses - Fat Stafford and Matt Flynn were pretty nasty though. If the Redskins signed Flynn tomorrow, he would immediately become the best QB that they've had since Mark Rypien.
People that disagree with this - Maurice Jones-Drew is the best RB in football. Period. How can you lead the league in rushing (by a lot) while playing on the worst offense in the NFL? Dude sick. I'll take him on my fantasy team any time.
Black Monday - I like a good coach firing. Today should be fun at the Spagnuolo, Morris, Caldwell, and Norval Turner households.
The Sanchise - This guy blows. It probably didn't help that Santonio quit the team in the 2nd quarter. The Jets signed him to a 5 yr/50 million dollar deal this past offseason. LOLZ!
Rex Ryan - It's south Florida. You don't need a sweater vest. And please don't guarantee any more Super Bowls.
Michael Strahan - Dammit! His fake sack record still remains as the much cooler Jared Allen falls a half sack short. Maybe if Josh McCown was as much of an embarrassment to the game as Favretard was, he would have laid down for The Mullet.
Stevie Johnson - Way to get benched in the first half because of your cocksucking undershirt, asshole. Jesus, this guy has to be the dumbest person in a league filled with idiots.
Jake Delhomme - HE'S BACK!!! Christ, how many Texan QBs are going to get hurt this year? If I was still a gambling man, I would be pumped to see that I can still bet against Delhomme in the playoffs. Why the fuck did they go for 2 from the 7? That made no sense unless they really want to play Tennessee again next week. Which they probably should because Tennessee is AIDS.
Sean Payton/Drew Brees - Fellas, all of this running up the score that you've been doing recently is going to come back to bite you. Mark it down, all of these meaningless one yard touchdown passes to Jed Collins will haunt them.
El Sex Cannon - If that was your last start in Washington, well, uh yeah. It was pretty funny that the RedZone channel didn't show one live play of this game. It was almost like it never happened. If the starting QB for the Skins in week 1 next year isn't Luck, RG3, or Flynn, Redskin fans are going to be pissed.
Bengals/Texans? - This game will get worse ratings than the Belk Bowl. Actually, both AFC wild card games have huge turd potential.
Orton's Revenge! - I don't understand why this was a big deal all week. Orton was fucking terrible and got benched. He asked to be released and the Broncos allowed him to find work elsewhere. He did. Exactly what was he trying to prove again?
Al Davis's Honor - Guess not. At least they aren't giving up two first rounders for Carson Palmer though.
The Steelers - So we're all in agreement that this team is just a skidmark better than the Browns, right? I mean, did you watch those two games? Those teams are even. The troof hurts.
Believeland - Honest question: is there one single person on this team to be excited about? Joe Thomas is a stud but you don't watch games to see how a LT is doing. There is ZERO reason to watch the Browns. Draft Trent Richardson and Alshon Jeffery/Michael Floyd in the first round and maybe people will care again. Maybe...
Kris Humphries - I just had to mention this. The Nets and Cavs played last night in Believeland. Humphries went up for a dunk and got stuffed by the rim. It was glorious.
Tim Tenor - Hmmmmm...that was quite poor. We all know that Tenor is saving himself for marriage. I like to think that he is also saving decent QB play for the Steelers. He fucking better. It's not like he's going to have to worry about Ryan Clark's AIDS blood though. GO TENOR!!!
Feel free to talk bowl games or whatever. That's it. Oh, and I had a winning day in the NFL yesterday.
Monday's List of 13: Wrapping up an NFL Sunday.........
13) Giants averaged 9.5 ypa, with Victor Cruz catching six balls for 178 yards, as they won NFC East with a surprisingly-easy 31-14 win, but the fact of the matter is this-- Giants just had emotionally-charged games with Jets/Cowboys the last two weeks. When Atlanta comes calling on Sunday, the Giants wouldn't be human if they didn't come out flat.
Falcons are a very live underdog next week.
12) When the Texans beat Jacksonville 24-14 in week 8 to get to 5-3; if you had told me that in Week 17, the Texans would be resting TJ Yates to get ready for a playoff game, I would've looked at you strange, because I'm not sure I knew Yates was in the NFL back then. But now Yates is a big man in Houston, and the Texans are hosting their first playoff game Saturday.
11) Say what you want about the Bengals, but they struck gold when they drafted Andy Dalton with 35th pick last April; Locker-Gabbard-Ponder were all picked ahead of him (so was Cam Newton).
10) Miami had a 21-play, 94-yard TD drive that put them ahead for good in fourth quarter against the Jets. I'm telling ya, Dolphins don't need a QB in the draft-- Matt Moore should be their guy going forward.
9) Back in August, did anyone have Matthew Stafford passing for 5,000+ yards this season? Nah, me either.......
8) With 6:49 left before halftime, Buccaneers trailed 42-0 in Atlanta. This is the definition of quitting, especially when the sixth TD was an 81-yard running play. Tampa Bay's last win was in October.
7) Interesting that 49ers got a home playoff game during the day, since the ballpark had electrical problems during their Monday night home game vs Pittsburgh in Week 15. NFL doesn't want to chance that happening again.
6) Half of Arizona's eight home games went OT this year, and Cardinals won them all, still finishing 8-8. Not sure if thats good or bad. Guess it is probably a little of both.
5) Ravens' guard Marshal Yanda committed a false start with 2:39 left in Sunday's win at Cincinnati; it was his first penalty all season.
4) Other than the hefty paycheck, coaching an NBA team can't be lot of fun; DeMarcus Cousins demanded to be traded from the Kings Saturday, after the fourth game of the season. Four games.
3) Redskins' PK Graham Gano had five field goals blocked this year, most for any kicker since 1997.
2) Charger-Raider game was an old-fashioned AFL shootout; no sacks, no 3/outs, with teams a combined 15-23 on third down. Bolts averaged 11.9 ypa, Oakland 9.7. Fun game to watch, but in the end, Raiders paid a hefty praice for Carson Palmer and they didn't make the playoffs. Not good.
1) Chiefs 7, Broncos 3 will do nothing to quiet the discussion of whether the Tim Tebow era will continue next season in Denver. It does confirm why they got rid of Kyle Orton, though. In two games against the Chiefs this year, Tebow completed 8 of 30 passes. Mr Elway can't be liking that.
Tuesday's List of 13........Ranking NFL playoff teams......
T30) Colts-- Didn't see the Polians getting fired; does that mean Caldwell gets to stay? That would be bizarre.
T30) Rams-- Whats done is done. Time to move on.
T30) Buccaneers-- Were worst team in league the last month.
12) Broncos-- In fairness, Tebow had better WRs at Florida than he does now, but he was 6-22 Sunday. Thats horrendous.
11) Lions-- Gave up 480 passing yards and six TDs to QB making his second NFL start. Now they play the Saints this week. Ouch.
10) Texans-- Survived lot of injuries to make playoffs for first time. Go out and enjoy it, Houstonians.
9) Bengals-- Have two rookie QBs ever faced each other in playoffs?
8) Falcons-- Underdog with best chance to win this weekend.
7) Giants-- Tough spot here, coming off emotional Jet/Dallas games.
6) Steelers-- 8-point road favorites at 8-8 Denver Sunday night.
5) 49ers-- If need be, Can Alex Smith go out and win the game?
4) Saints-- Bye or no bye, they're better than the 49ers.
3) Ravens-- Finally get a home playoff game under Harbaugh.
2) Patriots-- Fell behind at home 17-0/21-0 in their last two games against non-contenders. If defense wins championships, look out below.....
1) Packers-- Atlanta was first road team to win a playoff game on frozen tundra; Giants beat them in Lambeau playoff game four years ago. Pack wants Detroit to upset the Saints.
-- Wisconsin had a tying 3-pointer nullified by replay, as Michigan St. handed the Badgers their second straight Big Dozen home loss.
-- Seton Hall moved to 13-2 with a 65-53 win over UConn; Pirates are getting the most out of their very inexperienced roster.
-- Chargers decided to keep GM AJ Smith and coach Norv Turner in spite of missing the playoffs last two years.
-- Rest in peace, Gene Bartow. First coach in UAB history and coach who replaced John Wooden at UCLA passed away at age 81.
-- Yannick Noah hit Luol Deng with a great pass for a layup with 0:03.7 left, as Bulls nipped Atlanta 76-74, rallying back from down 19.
-- Virginia Tech outgained Michigan, 377-184 but Wolverines won the Sugar Bowl 23-20 in OT, thanks to uncharacteristically bad play by the Hokies on special teams. Excellent season for Brady Hoke. Michigan money line. Yeah baby
13) Optimism for Lions/Bengals: over the last six seasons, more #6 seeds (2) have won the Super Bowl than #1 seeds (1).
12) Surprising stat: Rutgers won its last five bowl games.
11) An average of 44.4 ppg were scored in NFL games this year, the most since 46.1 ppg were scored in 1965.
10) NHL used 20,000 gallons of water on the outdoor rink at Citizens Bank Park for the outdoor hockey game Monday.
9) Miami Dolphins once chose free agent QB Daunte Culpepper over free agent QB Drew Brees, because Brees had just had shoulder surgery; since that fateful decision, Miami is 38-58, the Saints are 62-34.
8) Lets read between the lines; the Colts have the first draft pick, but fired their very successful GM, Bill Polian, whose son coaches at Stanford, where Andrew Luck is the #1 star right now. That tells me Jim Irsay has no intention of having young Luck on his team next fall.
7) ABC Family, supposedly a family channel, aired Pretty Woman right before the Reverend Joel Osteen’s preacher show Sunday night. I really like the movie, but this is IMDB’s synopsis of Pretty Woman—you tell me if this is a family movie-- "A corporate raider pays a gorgeous hooker to be his escort for a business week in Beverly Hills." Alrighty then.
6) Oakland Raiders had 163 ACCEPTED penalties this year, the most ever. Wonder how many of their penalties were declined?
5) Towson State has lost its last 33 basketball games; they didn’t win one in the whole calendar year 2011.
4) If your favorite NFL team goes 4-0 in preseason next summer, don’t get excited; the ’08 Lions (0-16) and ’11 Rams (2-14) went 4-0, too. If you do get excited about it, please don’t tell me. Chaos could ensue.
3) Wonder what NFL honchos thought about the Texans going for two points and the win instead of the tie from the 7-yard line (after a penalty) in the last minute against Tennessee Sunday. If the Raiders had won their game later that day, Titans would’ve been handed a playoff spot because Houston basically tanked a big game (odds of scoring on one play from the 7 are low).
That would’ve gone over great in Cincinnati, don’t ya think?
2) Washington Huskies fired DC Nick Holt after they gave up 777 yards and 67 points in a bowl loss to Baylor. If your team scores 56 points and still doesn’t cover as a 9-point dog, chances are the DC is going to be job-hunting soon, but Holt was once head coach at Idaho and quit to go back to being a Pac-12 coordinator, so his career arc has taken a big downturn.
1) The Polian/Colts situation illustrates how difficult it is for some teams to part ways with an aging star; makes what the Packers did with Brett Favre all the more admirable, but it was easier for them, since Green Bay is owned by the public, not by one owner who may/may not have an emotional attachment to that star player.
-- Iona's Sean Armand scored 32 points in 22 minutes Tuesday against Siena, making 10-19 behind the arc; kid never took a foul shot. How do you let a player go for 32 without hitting him now and then?
-- Manu Ginobili (hand)/Zach Randolph (knee) are both out 6-8 weeks; in this year's condensed NBA, these injuries are more costly.
-- Temple shot 56% from floor and upset Duke 78-73; very bad news for Georgia Tech, Duke's next opponent in their ACC opener.
-- Georgetown rallied back from down 14 at the half to nip Marquette 73-70; Hoyas have a lot of close wins already this season.
-- West Virginia exploded for 35 second quarter points, as game swung on a 99-yard defensive TD-- Mountaineers waxed Clemson 70-33.
-- Surprised to see the Dodgers had just three sellouts last year and fell short of three million in home attendance in a full season for the first time since 1992. Lot of interesting people are trying to buy them.
Thursday's List of 13: Doing some thinking out loud.......
13) This is how good San Francisco’s defense/special teams have been this year; 49ers scored 32 offensive TDs this season, 17 of which (53.1%) came on drives of 50 or less yards; if you look at the other 31 NFL teams, they combined to score 1,110 TDs, only 238 of which (21.4%) came on drives of 50 or less yards.
12) By way of contrast, Browns had 20 offensive TDs, two on “short” drives, Indianapolis 2 of 21, the Chargers 3 of 42. Their defense/special teams rarely set them up with easy chances and when they did, they usually failed to capitalize.
11) Patriots had only seven short TD drives out of 57, but five of the seven came in the last three games, against Redskins-Miami-Buffalo, three non-contenders. Interesting to see how they play in the playoffs, against better teams.
10) Ex-Rams coach Steve Spagnuolo is a religious man; he was married at the Vatican in Rome, where the Pope lives, but even the power of prayer couldn’t help the Ram offense. St Louis scored only 10 TDs all season on drives that went longer than 50 yards; next worst were Jacksonville (14) and the Browns (18).
9) So this election in Iowa was decided by 8 votes? I must admit that I’ve never heard of the guy who finished second in Iowa to Mitt Romney. If that makes me a tunnel-visioned idiot who only knows one thing, then guilty as charged. I did Google Rick Santorum though; seems as though he went to Penn State, a school that could use some good things to happen for it these days.
8) Xavier lost at LaSalle, its fifth loss in six games since they had four guys suspended for the fracas at Cincinnati. Odd thing is, Bearcats have not lost since then.
7) During the regular season this year, college kickers made 18-20 field goals in OT; during the bowl games, they’re just 6-10.
6) The football coach at Boise State makes $2M a year? Wow......
5) The last two years, underdogs are 6-2 against the spread on Wild Card weekend; over the last nine years, the #6 seed is 5-4 against the #3 seed in this round, in both conferences, making them 10-8 overall. Without the spread. Interesting fact.....
4) Joe Torre quit his cushy $2M a year job with MLB to join a group that is trying to buy the Dodgers, meaning that if his group is successful, Torre will get an even easier job that pays more than $2M a year.
3) NBA home teams who played the night before are 13-8-1 against the spread; road teams are 10-17.
2) Carolina Panthers finished 5th in NFL in scoring, with a rookie coach, rookie QB and no offseason program to learn the playbook or practice it, which voids the lame excuse that the lack of an offseason program retards the growth of a team’s progress.
1) If you’ve got OCD and like college football, go ahead already and circle next November 3 on your calendar; Alabama visits LSU and Oregon goes to USC that day. Just thought you’d like to know.