spooky Posts:4188 Followers:297
On 11/01/2011 09:12 AM in NCAA Football

SPOOKY'S A LOW DOWN DIRTY TIME SHALL ENSUE COLLEGE FOOTBALL WEEKLY EXPRESS


More Winners and Losers

Losers

Kirk Cousins (QB - Michigan State): See? Straight up terrible. Maybe if that fucking dunce Cowturd would come up for air in between deep throats, he could prevent himself from saying stupid shit by actually watching Cousins play. If I need a substitute gym teacher or a guy to prepare my taxes for me, I'll give Cousins a buzz. Outside of that, I'll go ahead and pass.

Luke Fickell (Place Holder): Dumbass. Maybe if you would have been starting Braxton Miller from the start you would have a chance to keep this job next year. That's why you schedule laughers at the beginning of the year. So your 17 year old QB can get his dick wet and slay some hoodrats first instead of getting thrown to the wolves. Bauserman should have never even been considered.

BCS: Why even put Boise State in the top 5 if you just intend for every major school to jump them in the polls? Stanford's resume isn't any more impressive than Boise's at this point, so why? Because they beat Matt Barkley in triple OT? Fucking stupid. I can't wait until the BCS totally contradicts itself this year and has a 1-loss LSU or 1-loss Alabama play an undefeated for the title after they didn't allow Ohio State and Michigan to do the exact same thing.

Clemson: I've said it before and I'll say it again. I trust the ACC as much as I trust a fart. The minute you let your guard down, it's too late. Shart City. Taj Boyd is pretty damn good but there is a thick fog of losery that breeds failure and disappointment within this boring fucking conference. No amount of talent or voodoo can conquer that fury.

Winners

Braxton Miller (QB - OSU): The passing numbers weren't overly impressive, but the legs were working and he took care of the ball while making good decisions in a YOOOUUUUGE (copyright Al Michaels) game at home. Not to mention that the entire world, including some of Buckeye Nation, assumed OSU was getting all 18 inches of Hail Mary revenge boner collapsing their anal wall Saturday night. Columbus had to look like post outbreak NYC from I am Legend Sunday morning after all the dust cleared. God, I hope Dut was tear gassed and shot in the throat with rubber bullets.

Eric LeGrand (DT - Rutgers): This is one of the few times I will speak on a completely serious level. One month ago, doctors told LeGrand he would never breathe on his own without a ventilator. LeGrand kindly told them all to go fuck themselves and is on his way to walking again. If watching LeGrand lead his team out on the field Saturday didn't make you want to be a better person, than I don't know what will. We could all learn something from people like Eric LeGrand. God speed in your recovery.

Case Keenum (QB - Houston): Holy Jesus Christ. Nine fucking touchdowns in one game? That seems made up to me. I don't know how a defense allows that to happen. Stop shaving each others balls and make a play for fuck sake. Keenum is now FBS #1 in career touchdown passes because of that onslaught. Let's see who he shares the list with. Graham Harrell, Colt Brennan, Kellen Moore and Ty Detmer. So by this list we can assume that Keenum will be one of four things: someone who gives Mike Leach bare belly raspberries for eternity, a drug addicted skid mark washout who fingers buttholes for whippet money, the next Tim Tebow or dead from ritual suicide. What's that? Detmer is still alive?? Fuck.

There you go dick smacks. Tasty college football. Now that bowl season is approaching, I'm taking suggestions from all you cock sniffers how to get more activity here at the forum. We have a billion lurkers and views but certainly not enough posters.

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spooky Posts:4188 Followers:297
11/01/2011 09:13 AM

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spooky Posts:4188 Followers:297
11/01/2011 12:06 PM

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spooky Posts:4188 Followers:297
11/01/2011 12:09 PM

Tuesday's six-pack

Odds to win the college football national title in January:

Boise State-- Opened at 12-1, now 11-1. 41-point favorite this week.

Stanford-- Opened at 25-1, now 7-1. Survived overtime at USC.

Oklahoma-- Opened 7-2, now 6-1. Bounced back from loss to Tech.

Oklahoma State-- Opened 30-1, now 37.5-10. +20 turnover margin in their last six games.

LSU-- Opened 11-1, now 17.5-10. Huge game at Bama this week.

Alabama-- Opened 15-2, now 1-1. 8:00 Saturday night on CBS.

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spooky Posts:4188 Followers:297
11/01/2011 12:15 PM

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spooky Posts:4188 Followers:297
11/01/2011 12:15 PM

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spooky Posts:4188 Followers:297
11/01/2011 12:16 PM

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spooky Posts:4188 Followers:297
11/01/2011 12:17 PM

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spooky Posts:4188 Followers:297
11/02/2011 02:58 PM

Wednesday's six-pack

-- Why is Syracuse playing Cal State-Los Angeles in an exhibition game? They couldn't find a cupcake in the east to beat up on?

-- Arizona found a western cupcake in Seattle Pacific, only Arizona lost to the Falcons 69-68. SPU plays at Washington this weekend.

-- Few years ago Syracuse lost to LeMoyne in an exhibition game, then made the Final Four later that year. It doesn't mean all that much.

-- QB Garrett Gilbert, who quit the Texas football team earlier this year, will enroll at SMU and play for June Jones.

-- Weird NFL scheduling; no byes in Week 10, four in Week 11; those are the last byes this season.

-- A week from Friday, North Carolina-Michigan State play out in San Diego on a battleship to honor our nation's veterans.

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spooky Posts:4188 Followers:297
11/02/2011 03:04 PM

Hump Day Lucky Seven: Random thoughts on bowling night

7) I'm convinced mainstream media is pumping up Andrew Luck more than usual because he goes to a good academic school. He's very good, no doubt about that, but the best QB prospect in the last decade? Exactly how much better is he than Cam Newton?

6) Interesting TV, watching Merril Hoge just shred Tim Tebow's play on ESPN this week; we hear far too much about Tebow, who obviously isn't ready to start in the NFL. I'm not ready to write him off as a bust, but he has to become 1,000 times better as a passer before he's a competent QB in the NFL. His situation gets far too much media attention.

5) What a horrific loss by the Chargers Monday night, blowing a chance to win on an easy FG because Philip Rivers botched a center snap. That loss will hover over them like a dark cloud until they make the playoffs, and even more so if they don't get home field advantage.

4) Someone has to buy Chiefs' coach Todd Haley a new cap; the one he had on Monday night looked like it gone run over by a bus. A big one.

3) Congrats to Tony Larussa on a great career; 33 years of managing in the major leagues. He sure doesn't look like he's 67. The best job he did with my A's was in 1992, when a suspect Oakland team made playoffs. Never forget a home run Eric Fox hit in Minnesota to win a pivotal game in the pennant race that year. Hope Mr Larussa enjoys his retirement.

2) Exactly what do NBA players think they're gaining by missing out on playing games? Think the owners will cave? I don't. Players are listening to bad advice, probably from all those scumweasel greedy agents.

1) Toledo scored 60 points at home Tuesday night in football and didn't win, and the game didn't go overtime. Northern Illinois beat them 63-60; if Woody Hayes was watching up in heaven, I'm guessing he wasn't happy.

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